Meet the Neighbors


Here’s my take on the “Power Outage” edition of Sketchwar.

FADE IN: 

EXT. BARBECUE – NIGHT

TOM cooks up steaks on a grill at an impromptu barbecue in the backyard of an apartment complex.

It’s early evening, but all the lights in the apartment are out. A large crowd of GUESTS carry lanterns and such to light the event.

GARY (20s, business suit, briefcase) approaches the gathering.

GARY

Tom? It’s Tom, right? In 26G?

Tom shakes Gary’s hand.

TOM

Yup, the apartment across the hall from you.

GARY

Any word on the power?

TOM

Out for the next two days. I’m cooking these steaks for the neighbors before they go bad.

GARY

Oh, these are the people who live here?

A PETER-LORRE TYPE emerges from the crowd.

GARY

It’s weird, I’ve been here a month but I never run into anybody.

A MAN IN CAMO wanders by.

PETER-LORRE TYPE

I keep my apartment completely soundproofed. You never hear a peep from me!

The Peter-Lorre type drifts back into the crowd.

MAN IN CAMO

Probably doesn’t want people pryin’ into his business!

The man in camo wanders off.

A PASSERBY stops briefly, sizes up Gary.

PASSERBY

Oh, right -- the guy with the Klimt poster.

Gary nods absently as the passerby moves on.

Gary approaches a LADY WITH A CAT.

GARY

You live next door to me, right?

LADY WITH A CAT

(to the cat)

We live in 24G, don’t we Fluffums?

GARY

I’m Gary.

LADY WITH A CAT

(to the cat)

We don’t like talking to strangers, right, Fluffums? That’s right.

GARY

Oh.

The man in camo returns.

MAN IN CAMO

You know there are now recorded cases of cats catching H1N1 swine flu?

GARY

Right.

MAN IN CAMO

It is not a coincidence.

GARY

What?

MAN IN CAMO

The government has massive cat farms that they use to generate species-jumping viruses that they then release to eliminate undesirables.

GARY

Um... sure.

(to himself)

Wait, how did that guy know about my Klimt poster?

MAN IN CAMO

Have you checked your apartment for X10 cameras?

Suddenly a LOUD HUM rings out, and a few lights turn on in the apartment building.

The crowd CHEERS.

TOM

That’s the main generator kicking on.

Then a LOUD CLICK sounds, and the lights turn back off.

The crowd AWWWS.

A HIPPIE approaches Gary.

GARY

Why does it keep shutting off like that?

HIPPIE

Might be all my grow lamps.

GRAY

Oh, you have a little ‘hydroponic operation?’

MAN IN CAMO

What, are you some kind of narc?

HIPPIE

Yeah!

They get in Gary’s face, and push him around a bit.

The lady with a cat approaches.

LADY WITH A CAT

Yes, Gary must have done something bad, Fluffums.

GARY

Okay, fine! That’s it!

He starts to leave.

TOM

Don’t you want your steak?

GARY

No, I’m just going to go sit in my dark little apartment and maybe call a realtor.

As Gary leaves:

TOM

Nice to finally meet you!

And he’s gone.

MAN IN CAMO

Hmm. New guy’s kind of creepy.

Everyone MURMURS AGREEMENT.

FADE OUT.