FADE IN:

INT. POLICE SERGEANT’S OFFICE – DAY

The SERGEANT (40s, clean-cut) sits at a cheap desk in a small, plain room.

Across from him sits HARRIS (20s, loud, looks like trouble).

Both wear cop uniforms.

Harris pulls out his badge.

HARRIS

Go ahead. Say it.

SERGEANT

Lieutenant Harris, I hereby order you to hand in your badge!

Harris tosses the badge on the desk.

HARRIS

Yeah. ‘cos I’m too close to the case. ‘cos I’ve been doing the job my own way. ‘cos I’ve been pissing off the mayor. Well let me tell you --

SERGEANT

No, Harris. I’m suspending you for being a prick.

HARRIS

What? Is McCrappy telling tales about --

SERGEANT

See, why do you call him “McCrappy”?

HARRIS

He loves that nickname!

SERGEANT

He hates it! Now everyone calls him that!

HARRIS

So?

SERGEANT

Son, where are your manners?

HARRIS

(shouting)

I’ll tell you what I think of ‘manners’ --

SERGEANT

I’m sitting right here. You don’t have to yell at me. Why do you always shout?

HARRIS

I’m just loud!

SERGEANT

The entire squad doesn’t have to hear every conversation you have.

HARRIS

So what?

SERGEANT

I just don’t need to hear you call in your suppository order at the pharmacy while I’m eating -- that’s on the days when I still have food.

HARRIS

What’s that supposed to mean?

SERGEANT

You’ve been stealing somebody’s lunch from the fridge almost every day, Harris.

HARRIS

Yeah, well, it takes a lot of fuel to run this engine.

Harris pulls out a stick of gum and begins chewing it loudly.

SERGEANT

Oh, god, not that chewing-with-your-mouth-open thing.

Harris spits it in his hand and attaches it to the underside of the desk.

SERGEANT

Are you in grade school, Harris? Just get out of here.

HARRIS

Fine. I’ll work the case myself. After all, I closed the Park Street murders solo.

SERGEANT

And maybe if you’d spend a little less time bragging and a little more time giving other people credit, you wouldn’t be such a drag on morale.

HARRIS

Fine.

Harris gets up, knocking his chair over.

SERGEANT

Harris? Come on.

HARRIS

No, I’ll go. But don’t think kicking me off the squad will kick me off of justice.

He storms out of the room, leaving the door open.

SERGEANT

Close the door behind you. Were you raised in a barn?

MCCRACKEN (30s) -- another hotheaded, renegade cop -- pokes his head in.

MCCRACKEN

You wanted to see me, Sarge?

SERGEANT

McCracken. Harris is suspended. You’ve got the DiMarco homicide.

MCCRACKEN

I don’t know, Sergeant. I’m a rebel who doesn’t play by the rules. I cut corners to get the job done, and I don’t care who I rub the wrong way.

SERGEANT

Well, you’re not going to steal sandwiches, are you?

MCCRACKEN

No, that’s a dick move, why would I -- wait, was that Harris? Was Harris stealing my chicken-salad lunch croissants?

SERGEANT

That’s not important --

As he exits:

MCCRACKEN

I am gonna kick his --

SERGEANT

McCracken!

McCracken steps back in.

MCCRACKEN

I know, ‘Close the door,’ I got it.

McCracken exits, closing the door behind him.

The sergeant looks at the badge.

Sniffs it.

Tries taking a bite out of it.

FADE OUT.