FADE IN: 

EXT. WAREHOUSE DOOR – DAY

ROD (a cop out of an 80s action movie) runs up to the open front door of a warehouse, gun drawn, intense.

He radios in.

ROD

I’m at the warehouse.

RADIO (V.O.)

Goddammit, Sergeant, wait for backup!

ROD

There’s no time! As soon as Jake gets here, we’re going in alone.

JAKE (O.S.)

Already here, partner. How are we doing this?

ROD

We’re going straight through the front do--

Rod turns to see --

JAKE, another cop, though a bit less fit and fashionable.

Jake wears a shiny, colorful PARTY HAT.

Rod stops short.

JAKE

It’s my birthday.

ROD

What?

JAKE

Ergo, I get to wear my special party hat.

Jake enters the warehouse, gun drawn.

Rod follows.

INT. WAREHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

Rod and Jake advance down a hall towards a doorway.

JAKE

Did you even remember it’s my birthday?

ROD

Okay, I’ll go across the main floor. You cover me.

JAKE

No, I get to make the approach --

ROD

Jake --

JAKE

Look, when it’s your special day, you can do what you want. Nobody’s even sung me “Happy Birthday” today!

ROD

(singing)

Happy birth-

JAKE

Oh, it’s not the same when you’re forced to, Rod.

Jake darts out through the doorway.

Rod scampers into place and covers him.

INT. WAREHOUSE DOORWAY – LATER

Jake approaches a doorway.

We can hear a voice inside --

CRIME BOSS (O.S.)

And the mayor has only five minutes to deliver the ransom. After that? You all die!

He continues to AD LIB in the background as Rod catches up.

They converse quietly.

JAKE

I’m serious. No singing. No party.

ROD

Jake --

JAKE

No presents.

ROD

Okay, I’ll get you something.

JAKE

Would have killed you to knit me a glock cozy?

ROD

Let’s just bust in there and catch the bad guys.

JAKE

Oh. Oh, wait. I get it.

(stage whisper)

It’s a surprise party, isn’t it?

ROD

What?

JAKE

Okay, criminals! Here I come!

CRIME BOSS (O.S.)

What the --

Jake kicks down the door, revealing --

INT. HOSTAGE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

A bunch of LOWLIFES, including the CRIME BOSS, stand guard over a few bound and gagged HOSTAGES.

Jake and Rod burst in, guns drawn.

ROD

EVERYBODY FREEZE!

JAKE

Aw.

One LOWLIFE WITH A PARTY HAT pokes his head up.

LOWLIFE WITH A PARTY HAT

I can go, right?

ROD

What?

Jake nods.

The lowlife with a party hat exits through a side door.

The crime boss grudgingly starts singing “Happy Birthday.”

FADE OUT.

Over black, the singing continues.

The other lowlifes grudgingly start singing along.

JAKE (V. O.)

Aw, thanks, guys! Let’s go to jail!