Here’s my take on the “Birthdays” edition of Sketchwar.
EXT. WAREHOUSE DOOR – DAY
ROD (a cop out of an 80s action movie) runs up to the open front door of a warehouse, gun drawn, intense.
He radios in.
I’m at the warehouse.
Goddammit, Sergeant, wait for backup!
There’s no time! As soon as Jake gets here, we’re going in alone.
Already here, partner. How are we doing this?
We’re going straight through the front do--
Rod turns to see --
JAKE, another cop, though a bit less fit and fashionable.
Jake wears a shiny, colorful PARTY HAT.
Rod stops short.
It’s my birthday.
Ergo, I get to wear my special party hat.
Jake enters the warehouse, gun drawn.
INT. WAREHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Rod and Jake advance down a hall towards a doorway.
Did you even remember it’s my birthday?
Okay, I’ll go across the main floor. You cover me.
No, I get to make the approach --
Look, when it’s your special day, you can do what you want. Nobody’s even sung me “Happy Birthday” today!
Oh, it’s not the same when you’re forced to, Rod.
Jake darts out through the doorway.
Rod scampers into place and covers him.
INT. WAREHOUSE DOORWAY – LATER
Jake approaches a doorway.
We can hear a voice inside --
CRIME BOSS (O.S.)
And the mayor has only five minutes to deliver the ransom. After that? You all die!
He continues to AD LIB in the background as Rod catches up.
They converse quietly.
I’m serious. No singing. No party.
Okay, I’ll get you something.
Would have killed you to knit me a glock cozy?
Let’s just bust in there and catch the bad guys.
Oh. Oh, wait. I get it.
It’s a surprise party, isn’t it?
Okay, criminals! Here I come!
CRIME BOSS (O.S.)
What the --
Jake kicks down the door, revealing --
INT. HOSTAGE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A bunch of LOWLIFES, including the CRIME BOSS, stand guard over a few bound and gagged HOSTAGES.
Jake and Rod burst in, guns drawn.
One LOWLIFE WITH A PARTY HAT pokes his head up.
LOWLIFE WITH A PARTY HAT
I can go, right?
The lowlife with a party hat exits through a side door.
The crime boss grudgingly starts singing “Happy Birthday.”
Over black, the singing continues.
The other lowlifes grudgingly start singing along.
JAKE (V. O.)
Aw, thanks, guys! Let’s go to jail!