SID sits on his lazy-boy, Budweiser in one hand, remote control on the other. A soap opera plays on the television. Suddenly, SCIENTISTS enter.

SID

What in the hell is going on here?

SCIENTIST 1

Okay, the unit will go right there.

Scientist 1 points at Sid.

SCIENTIST 2

We’ll have to remove the meat-bag, of course.

SCIENTIST 1

Of course.

Sid attempts to stand up, stumbling at first before succeeding.

SID

Now I don’t know what the hell you white-coated fellas think you’re doing, but this is my house, and my...

SCIENTIST 2

Sir, please be quiet, we’re discussing important matters over here.

SCIENTIST 1

This set up should suit the unit well. No matter how many of these places I go in, I still can’t get used to it.

Scientist 1 lifts an old pizza box and shakes his head in mild disgust.

SID

I’ll call the police! I’ll get my shotgun!

Scientist 2 retrieves a document from his coat.

SCIENTIST 2

Mr. Render, is it?

SID

Well...yeah. Name’s Sid.

SCIENTIST 2

Mr. Render, you don’t read your mail closely, do you?

SID

Huh?

SCIENTIST 1

With your last unemployment check you should have received a written notice. Did you receive your last unemployment check?

SID

Well, heck yeah. Never enough, though. My expenses are high and with the economy...

SCIENTIST 2

That notice indicated that your position is being terminated and automated.

SID

My position?

SCIENTIST 1

Yes, your unemployment position.

SID

Come again?

SCIENTIST 2

We have little need for humans sitting around collecting unemployment these days, so you’re being replaced.

SID

Replaced?

SCIENTIST 1

Yes, with UE Unit 102. It’s quite a nice design.

Sid stares blankly.

SCIENTIST 2

You’re being replaced with a robot.

Sid continues to stare blankly. A third scientist enters, escorting UE UNIT 102.

SCIENTIST 2

All of your functions--drinking, eating, check collecting, rabble rousing, pretending to look for a job--can be much more effectively completed by UE Unit 102.

SCIENTIST 3

Here’s the unit.

UE UNIT 102

I. Need. A. Beer.

UE Unit 102 goes to the fridge.

SID

Those are my beers!

SCIENTIST 2

Not anymore. Witness, the marvel of science.

UE Unit 102 chugs a Budweiser and smashes the can against its head. The scientists all look at each other in a congratulatory manner.