INT. HIGH RISE BUILDING -- NIGHT

Frankie and Willie, two very New York sounding night watchmen, patrol the hallways of an office building in Manhattan. They check doors as they walk and talk.

FRANKIE

Hey there, Willie.

WILLIE

Evening, Frankie, how are you doing?

FRANKIE

I don’t know, you know, Willie, the way the world is going these days, I wouldn’t be surprised if we ended up in the, uh-

WILLIE

Bread line?

FRANKIE

Yeah, the bread line before winter.

WILLIE

I know what you mean. The other night I-I-I was watching one of those, um, what do you call ‘ems?

FRANKIE

News programs?

WILLIE

Yeah. Yeah. I was watching a news program and they were talking about massive layoffs. Skyrocketing unemployment. People fighting for food. It was terrifying.

FRANKIE

You want to talk about terrifying? Last summer I got one of those, um-

WILLIE

Subprime loans?

FRANKIE

Right. No money down. No credit check. It was fantastic.

WILLIE

Sounds fantastic.

FRANKIE

Who wouldn’t accept such a fantastic loan? But now? Now my house is being foreclosed. I got nowhere to sleep.

WILLIE

Ooooh. I hate when that happens!

FRANKIE

I know, right?

WILLIE

It’s like this one time I-I-I went out and, uh, and bought one those, uh-

FRANKIE

Hummers?

WILLIE

‘Cause I enjoy off-roading in the outdoors a great deal. But then the price of gas. Phew! And now I can’t even sell it for scrap metal.

FRANKIE

I hate when that happens.

WILLIE

Don’t even get me started on the-the-the um,

FRANKIE

Wall Street fat cats?

WILLIE

Right. For a while I was having my paycheck direct deposited into my hedge fund because my money manger said it was a no-brainer.

FRANKIE

Oh no.

WILLIE

Oh yes. I’ve only eaten popcorn and dryer lint, which I have to wrestle homeless people for, for the past three months.

FRANKIE

I hate when that happens. At least you’re getting some fiber, though. That’s good.

WILLIE

It’s gotten to the point where I-I-I think about, um, doing that, you know-

FRANKIE

Taking your own life?

WILLIE

Exactly. If bullets didn’t cost so much, I-I-I would put one in my brain.

FRANKIE

That’s a stinker too, boy. You only need the one bullet, but they want to sell you the whole box!

WILLIE

I know!

FRANKIE & WILLIE

I hate when that happens!

FRANKIE

Well, I think I’m going to head up to seven, make use of the office shower room.

WILLIE

Good idea. I’m going to head down to five, see if the cleaning ladies missed any left-over donuts.

FRANKIE

Good night, Willie.

WILLIE

Good night, Frankie.

They exit in opposite directions.

FADE OUT: