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Pimp My TV: Dave Stinton’s entry
(CAPTION: Los Angeles, CA. 1988.) (The Hollywood Sign is viewed from the sky on a bright, hazy Los Angeles afternoon. We hear a solo trumpet playing a soothing light jazz riff.) NARRATORTinsel Town. We’ve seen the glitter. We’ve seen the glamour. But who can bear to look upon what’s behind it? (The view spins 180…
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Spelling Bee
(A spelling bee. A banner stretches over the stage reading “The Rolaids Regional Spelling Bee.” Below it, several kids with numbers on their chests sit in folding chairs. One kid, SUSIE, stands at the microphone, her face clenched in concentration. An AUDITOR sits at a nearby table, waiting to hear her speak.) SUSIEMay I have…
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Reconciliation
(LUCAS and JOSH, mid-thirties, enter the Brant Street Café. They sit side-by-side at the counter.) LUCASWait till you try the chicken noodle soup here. It’s the best I have ever tasted. JOSHI think I’m going to have a grilled cheese. LUCASI’ll tell you what, man: you go your way, I’ll go mine. (pause) JOSHYou seem…
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Doctor Dennis Peterman
(The Annual Mad Scientist Convention. DOCTOR ATROCITY is standing at a podium. He is accompanied by a drooling alligator/human hybrid in chains, who glares at the assembled audience of mad scientists. DOCTOR ATROCITY reads off note cards.) DOCTOR ATROCITYTherefore, you collective of sniveling puppets! Heed well my coming vengeance! Courtesy of my army of leidyosuccubi,…
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Best Friends
(A hospital room. GLEN and ADAM, mid-thirties, are in neighboring beds. They are wearing hospital gowns. GLEN is awake, reading a magazine. ADAM is asleep. After a few moments, ADAM wakes up and groans.) GLENWell good morning! ADAM (groggy)Glen. Hey. GLENThe operation was a success. ADAMOh, that’s great. How are you feeling? GLENGreat! How are…
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Scenes I Predict Will Be in the Series Premiere of “Life on Mars”
(GRUFF 70s COP and DISPLACED TIME TRAVELER COP are chasing down a suspect on foot.) GRUFF 70s COP (panting)We won’t catch him unless we split up. You go down the alley, past the pet rock store. I’ll head toward the Naugahyde factory. We’ll meet at the payphone on Plaid Street and Paisley Way. DISPLACED TIME…
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The Lemon-Scented Passing of Jack Kaufmann
(A funeral. The casket is upstage center, and black-clad MOURNERS are milling around. TIMMY, a boy of five, is downstage, shyly standing next to his mother, MARJORIE. EDWARD, holding a notepad, is kneeling and talking to TIMMY.) EDDIE (to TIMMY)A noun? It’s like a person, place or thing. MARJORIE (to TIMMY)What’s something you saw today,…
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Whose Side Are You On?
(A recording studio. SCOTT stands alone, fretting. After a beat, THERESA enters.) SCOTTHe still out there? THERESAYeah. (pause) SCOTTIf he can’t go through with it, are you willing to do the voiceover? THERESANo! I have a horrible voice! SCOTTDon’t say that. THERESAIt’s true! It’s worse than yours. (pause) SCOTTYeah, I guess it is. THERESAI could…
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Hot Rocks, Cold Bodies
(A morgue. Four bodies are covered with sheets. TONY PRATT, coroner, lifts one of the sheets and speaks into a handheld tape recorder.) TONY…and the renal and liver failure, along with the low sodium concentration in the plasma, makes for a textbook case of Legionnaires’ disease. In younger victims, this would have been very treatable,…
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All I Want is a Relaxing Dinner with Limp Bizkit
(A restaurant. A MAÎTRE D’ answers the phone. It’s FRED DURST.) MAÎTRE D’Good afternoon, Kyle’s on Seventh. FREDYes, I’d like to make a reservation for tonight. MAÎTRE D’Certainly, sir. How many will be dining? FREDFour. MAÎTRE D’And your name please? FREDDurst. MAÎTRE D’“Durst”? FREDYes. MAÎTRE D’I’m sorry, is that “Durst” or “Burst”? FREDDurst. (The MAÎTRE…