Looks like I’m bringing up the rear today. Here goes:
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INT. – ART MUSEUM – NIGHT
GERARD and HENRI are in the middle of a laser-grid in a magnificent oak paneled room with a parquet floor. The two men are trim European men in their mid-40’s, dressed all high-tech looking black skin-suits, with black gloves and black watch caps. They are surrounded by red laser beams. The room is illuminated only by small pools of light and the intricate grid of laser beams that criss-cross the room. At the opposite end is an incredibly large diamond in a glass case highlighted under a bright spotlight. GERARD and HENRI gymnastically navigate the laser beams slowly with controlled athletic grace.
HENRI slides deftly under a particularly low laser beam.
GERARD
(speaking with a French accent)
Exquisite movement, my friend.
HENRI
(also with a French accent)
Perfection Gerard, just as you taught me.
GERARD
Ah! Have we have become too good Henri?
HENRI
Too good for us? No. Too good for everyone else…oui!
GERARD
Sometimes I wonder…why do they even bother with security anymore?
HENRI
Oui…I think the same thing my friend. After all these years…
GERARD
All those diamonds we two have stolen…
HENRI
Still they leave them out, in plain sight, in glass cases.
GERARD
Oui. Thinking they are protected the lasers, the heat detectors..
HENRI
The hidden cameras, the pressure sensitive plates.
GERARD
Pittances
HENRI
Trifles.
GERARD
Does it stop us?
HENRI
No…never.
GERARD
They should put such diamonds in a safe at night.
HENRI
Or put some big metal thing around them when the public is not around.
GERARD
They want to tease us, Henri…to tempt us…
HENRI
Oui! They wish us to come out and play with them.
GERARD
(mockingly)
“Oh…the cat burglars, they are so good”
HENRI
(in the same mocking tone)
“They cannot be denied.”
GERARD
“We have no chance of catching such men…men with such panache.”
HENRI
“They are so much better than we in every way!”
GERARD
“They are clever”
HENRI
“They are handsome”
GERARD
“They are stylish”
HERNI
“So well groomed”
GERARD
“So athletic”
HENRI
“So lithe”
GERARD
“Let us put out some expensive bauble…and maybe they will grace us with a visit”
HENRI
“It would be an honor to be robbed by them”
GERARD
“To be humiliated by them”
HENRI
“To have our jewels grabbed by them”
GERARD
“To have our chambers violated by them”
HENRI
“To be so degraded”
GERARD
“So outwitted”
HENRI
“Publicly defeated in public”
GERARD
“Let us dangle our gaudy baubles for them!”
HENRI
“And hope that they will grab them”
GERARD spots himself in a mirror
GERARD
God we are attractive!
HENRI
I am one of us, and I want us to degrade us!
HENRI clicks a button on his suit, and all of the sudden “BAD GIRLS” by Donna Summer starts blaring loudly from HENRI’s suit. HENRI and GERARD continue navigating the laser grid with a some disco flair to their movements.
A side door opens, and a GUARD enters quickly flipping on a light switch. The whole room is illuminated. HENRI and GERARD freeze in some awkward laser-grid-navigating positions as the GUARD, an American, shouts at them.
GUARD
(screaming)
JESUS, MARY AND JOSEPH!!! WOULD YOU GODDAMN EURO-FRUITS PLEASE KEEP IT THE FUCK DOWN IN HERE! I GOT 50 BUCKS ON THE FUCKING CELTICS AND I CAN’T HEAR JACK SHIT!!!
HENRI slowly reaches up and clicks off the music from his suit.
The GUARD turns to leave.
GERARD
Wait….are you not surprised to find the two greatest cat burglars in the world inside your museum, deftly defeating your security, coming to steal your big expensive diamond?
GUARD
You pricks tripped a silent alarm an hour ago. And frankly the oil sheik that owns that fucker is just dying for someone to steal it. It’s worth shit thanks to the economy – and there ain’t no one else out there stupid enough to buy it. You steal it, he collects a big fat insurance settlement…you two get shafted with on a big rock you can’t unload and he gets richer. We’re getting a kickback from the sheik to look the other way if there’s a break in.
HENRI and GERARD look at each other from their frozen positions.
HENRI
So…no one is going to try and stop us, or arrest us, or deny us with some unbeatable state of the art anti-theft technology?
GUARD
Nope.
GERARD
You won’t burst in again yelling "halt" or "freeze" or something?
GUARD
Not if you assholes keep it down in here.
HENRI and GERARD look at each again, a little defeated but thinking things over. HENRI reaches up and turns the music back on, then lowers the volume looking to the GUARD for approval. The GUARD gestures for him to turn it down until the volume meets his approval, then he turns to go again, reaching for the light switch.
GERARD
Uh, could you leave the lights on? We like see ourselves in the mirror.
The GUARD gestures as if to say "suit yourself", closes the door and leaves. GERARD and HENRI go back to their athletic disco gymnastic navigation of the now invisible laser field, looking at themselves in the mirror the whole time now.
HENRI
We cannot be stopped! The dashing cat-burglars cannot be denied!
GERARD
I want a copy of the security tape – I bet we look good on it.
HENRI
Only if its from a good angle – high mounted cameras make me look pudgy.
FADE TO BLACK.