I wrote these as a series of short radio plays for a station in Champaign-Urbana back in 1997. I\u2019ve done very little editing beyond formatting, so please indulge the meanderings of a 23-year-old.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Episode One<\/span> NARRATOR FRANK HELEN FRANK (Mild rumble of thunder)<\/em><\/p>\n HELEN (Another rumble of thunder, stronger)<\/em><\/p>\n FRANK (A WAITER enters)<\/em><\/p>\n WAITER HELEN WAITER FRANK HELEN WAITER FRANK HELEN FRANK HELEN (A few moments of storm)<\/em><\/p>\n FRANK HELEN WAITER HELEN FRANK HELEN WAITER HELEN (Clatter as the WAITER drops the dessert tray)<\/em><\/p>\n FRANK HELEN FRANK HELEN WAITER (Creepy organ music bursts in. NARRATOR speaks over it)<\/em><\/p>\n NARRATOR (Organ music fades)<\/em><\/p>\n WOMAN EXTERMINATOR (Organ music flourish and out.)<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I wrote these as a series of short radio plays for a station in Champaign-Urbana back in 1997. I\u2019ve done very little editing beyond formatting, so please indulge the meanderings of a 23-year-old.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1122","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1122","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1122"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1122\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1122"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1122"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n(A few bars of creepy music played on an old dusty organ.)<\/em><\/p>\n
\nTurn down the lights and lock the doors, gentle listeners. It’s time for another episode of… Boring Science Fiction Theatre!<\/em>
\n(Burst of thunder…)<\/em>
\nThis week’s episode… The Ghost Fork!<\/em>
\n(Music fades out, replaced by background noise of a classy restaurant, with a brewing storm beneath.)<\/em>
\nWe introduce Helen Williams, dining with her husband in an ancient and prestigious four star restaurant… Little does she realize she’s on a dinner date… with the unknown!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nMmm! This lobster is absolutely delicious! This sure is a classy restaurant, Helen!<\/p>\n
\nIt certainly is, Frank! Not at all what you’d expect to find in this desolate little town! Not only is my filet mignon superb, but it’s made all the more luxurious by the elegant silverware with which I’m eating it! Just look at this fork!<\/p>\n
\nWow, it sure is a beauty, Helen! Funny, I was not given such ornate silverware… I wonder…<\/p>\n
\nOh, Frank, it’s probably just a special extra that comes with the filet mignon. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.<\/p>\n
\nWell, one thing I am<\/em> worried about is that storm. We’d better get a move on before it gets any worse.<\/p>\n
\nI see you’re almost done. How was everything?<\/p>\n
\nWonderful, thank you!<\/p>\n
\nWould you care for any dessert?<\/p>\n
\nNo, we’d better get going-<\/p>\n
\n(interrupting)<\/em>
\nI’d love some! What do you have?<\/p>\n
\nI’ll be right back with the dessert tray.<\/p>\n
\n(whispering, as WAITER exits)<\/em>
\nHelen, we really should get going! The storm is getting worse!<\/p>\n
\nOh, Frank, you mustn’t worry so! I’m sure everything will be-
\n(Thunderclap. HELEN gasps)<\/em>
\nThe lights! I can’t see!<\/p>\n
\nIt’s just a power failure, honey! Everything’s okay!<\/p>\n
\nFrank, hold my hand!<\/p>\n
\nThey’re back on.<\/p>\n
\n(sigh of relief)<\/em>
\nThank goodness… For a moment I felt-<\/p>\n
\n(returning)<\/em>
\nI’m sorry about the blackout, folks. Everything’s under control now. Here are our dessert selections.<\/p>\n
\nOh, this looks delicious. Perhaps I’ll – Oh… But where’s…<\/p>\n
\nIs something the matter, dear?<\/p>\n
\nI seem to have lost my fork.<\/p>\n
\nWhat fork would that be, madam?<\/p>\n
\nWell, it was a very elegant fork… Long, pure silver, and decorated with a lovely criss-cross design down the-<\/p>\n
\nOh! Are you all right?<\/p>\n
\nYou’ve dropped your tray!<\/p>\n
\nYou look pale…<\/p>\n
\nAnd you’re shaking! What’s the matter?<\/p>\n
\nThat… That fork… It was stolen from this restaurant five years ago! In fact… Five years ago today!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nBe sure to tune in for next week’s horrifying episode… The Zombie Moths!<\/em><\/p>\n
\nExterminator, were you able to get rid of the moths in our basement?<\/p>\n
\nYou won’t get rid of those moths, ma’am. Not without enlisting the help of a priest. Turns out your house is built on an old moth burial ground.<\/p>\n