{"id":1160,"date":"2009-04-29T07:00:27","date_gmt":"2009-04-29T14:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=1160"},"modified":"2009-04-29T07:00:27","modified_gmt":"2009-04-29T14:00:27","slug":"el-ocho-es-muy-caliente","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/?p=1160","title":{"rendered":"El Ocho Es Muy Caliente!"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

INT. TV STUDIO – DAY<\/p>\n

MEGAN THUNDER (20s, in miniskirt and halter top) and NICK STEELE (20s, in lycra shorts and Ed Hardy t-shirt) stand before a bank of monitors showing a variety of sports.<\/p>\n

NICK<\/p>\n

Yo, yo, yo! This. Is. The Ocho Report!<\/p>\n

Obnoxious flying graphics scored with too-loud music identify this as “The Ocho Report” on ESPN 8.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

Back to studio.<\/p>\n

MEGAN<\/p>\n

Wassup, bitches? That was an exciting end to that race in Beverly Hills. We’ve got a lot to cover in this edition, but first let’s get the reaction from the winners with our own Brit Daniels.<\/p>\n

EXT. RODEO DRIVE – DAY<\/p>\n

BRIT DANIELS (20s, skankilicious in Leather Tuscadero’s hand-me-downs) interviews LONDON SHERATON (20s, faux fur and haute couture) and her little dog, too!<\/p>\n

BRIT<\/p>\n

Sweet job, London. You were behind the whole race, what kept you going?<\/p>\n

LONDON<\/p>\n

I just thought how hard my precious little babies had trained and I couldn’t give up on them.<\/p>\n

Camera zooms out and we see a small, wheeled sled with a team of CHIHUAHUAS leashed to it.<\/p>\n

BRIT<\/p>\n

What are your plans now?<\/p>\n

LONDON<\/p>\n

I’m taking the whole team to Disney Land!<\/p>\n

BRIT<\/p>\n

Thanks London. Back to you, Nick.<\/p>\n

INT. TV STUDIO – DAY<\/p>\n

Megan’s chugging a Red Bull.<\/p>\n

NICK<\/p>\n

Ai-ight! That was the shit. Now let’s take a look at the action from the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club.<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

The screens behind Nick and Megan showing old men playing croquet. It’s slow.<\/p>\n

MEGAN (V.O.)<\/p>\n

Here we’ve got Henry Higginbotham setting up a shot.<\/p>\n

HENRY swings his mallet. His ball strikes another and stops.<\/p>\n

MEGAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)<\/p>\n

And, oh. I guess that was that shot. A little later on, we see Jeeves Chesterfield<\/p>\n

(questioning)<\/p>\n

taking a wicket?!?<\/p>\n

JEEVES knocks a ball through a wicket.<\/p>\n

MEGAN (V.O.) (CONT’D)<\/p>\n

What the hell is this?<\/p>\n

CUT TO:<\/p>\n

Studio. Nick’s swings a croquet mallet like a golf club. He SMASHES something soft and it flies everywhere. He brings the mallet head up to his mouth and bites off a bit that stuck.<\/p>\n

NICK<\/p>\n

Dude! You want some of this?<\/p>\n

MEGAN<\/p>\n

Eww! No. What is it?<\/p>\n

NICK<\/p>\n

Salmon croquette. Makes the game much tastier.<\/p>\n

MEGAN<\/p>\n

Finally tonight, a braid-off.<\/p>\n

NICK<\/p>\n

That’s right, Megan. In Madison, Wisconsin this afternoon four of the flyest hairstylists in the greater Dane county area faced off for the title of Best Braider.<\/p>\n

INT. THEATER – DAY<\/p>\n

FOUR WOMEN with long hair sit in straight-backed chairs. Behind each of them is a PORTLY, MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN in a smock. The stylists and their clients wear matching numbers from 1 to 4. A SHRINER wearing the traditional fez stands nearby.<\/p>\n

SHRINER<\/p>\n

On your mark, get set, go!<\/p>\n

The stylists get to braiding. Client #2 screams in pain.<\/p>\n

SHRINER (CONT’D)<\/p>\n

Number Two, you’re out!<\/p>\n

NICK (V.O.)<\/p>\n

The competition was furious. Fingers zipping through the air. Then something went horribly wrong.<\/p>\n

Stylist #3 pulls out a clump of hair.<\/p>\n

NICK (V.O.)<\/p>\n

That’s gotta hurt!<\/p>\n

SHRINER<\/p>\n

Number Three is disqualified for using extensions.<\/p>\n

NICK (V.O.)<\/p>\n

The two remaining women went at it like wildcats in heat. Sweat pouring from their brows, hands a blur, locked in concentration.<\/p>\n

Stylist #1 raises her hands in victory. Her client’s braid is complete.<\/p>\n

NICK (V.O.) (CONT’D)<\/p>\n

But in the end there could be only one!<\/p>\n

INT. TV STUDIO – DAY<\/p>\n

Megan on a cell phone.<\/p>\n

MEGAN<\/p>\n

Get me the hell off this sh--<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[fountain] INT. TV STUDIO – DAY MEGAN THUNDER (20s, in miniskirt and halter top) and NICK STEELE (20s, in lycra shorts and Ed Hardy t-shirt) stand before a bank of monitors showing a variety of sports. NICK Yo, yo, yo! This. Is. The Ocho Report! Obnoxious flying graphics scored with too-loud music identify this as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[142,192],"class_list":["post-1160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-odd-sporting-events","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1160","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1160"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1160\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1160"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1160"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1160"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}