{"id":136,"date":"2008-10-24T11:42:00","date_gmt":"2008-10-24T19:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=136"},"modified":"2008-10-24T11:42:00","modified_gmt":"2008-10-24T19:42:00","slug":"fsw-mad-scientist-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/?p=136","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Mad Scientist edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome to…..FRIDAY SKETCH WAR – MAD SCIENTIST EDITION!!!! BWAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<\/span><\/p>\n

(if you were expecting subtle dignity with a theme like Mad Scientist, you are out of your freakin’ mind!!!).<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s been a crazy week, so what better way to polish it off than with a Mad Scientist sketch. No word from Michael or Dave yet, but Richard was up bright and early posting his sketch about <\/span>having friends for dinner<\/span><\/a>. I’ll post updates as more creations rise from the slab.<\/span><\/p>\n

Richard’s also kicked off an excellent idea for getting next weeks theme. If you read the sketches but aren’t going to compete, comment on Richard’s sketch (or mine) with your idea for what the theme should be. Richard will pick a favorite and we’ll run with that. If we get no suggestions (or if we fear the suggestions we get) the honors will fall to yours truly.<\/span><\/p>\n

UPDATE: <\/strong>Looks like we had a suggestion shortage for this week, so theme duties land in my court….therefore our theme for this week is:<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Trick OR <\/em>Treat
<\/strong>(yup….an option scenes incolve a trick, a treat, or both….have at it gents!)<\/span><\/span>
<\/span>__________________________________________________________<\/p>\n

INT. MAD SCIENTISTS LAB
The lab is dimly lit with pools of light falling into near pitch black. Bottles and test tubes filled with glowing liquids are everywhere, Bunsen burners burn, devices that emit loud bright sparks burn and pop, vapors seem to spew from everywhere. DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN, who has a bushy wild mess of white hair and wears a lab coat, long oversized black rubber gloves, and goggles. He moves back and forth between devices and beakers, cackling madly with a heavy Germanic accent. He pours one liquid into another, watches it change color, and then let\u2019s loose the loudest most manic cackle of all.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
(with a German accent)<\/span><\/em>
IT WORKS!!! AT LONG LAST!!! THEY SAID IT COULDN\u2019T BE DONE, BUT I\u2019LL SHOW THEM ALL WHEN I…<\/p>\n

JANET walks in from a small door on the side, flips a light switch and bathes the whole lab in warm overhead incandescent light.<\/em>
<\/span>
JANET<\/u><\/strong>
Dr. Heiglschwein – Mrs. Davidson, your 3:30 appointment, is here. Should I send her in?<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN puts down his beakers and pulls his goggles up.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Sure Janet. I was just finishing up. Send her in.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN goes to his desk. JANET ushers in MRS. DAVIDSON, an average looking middle-aged woman, wearing a little too much makeup. JANET then hands the DR. a manila file folder. The DR. offers his hand across the desk<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Mrs. Davidson, welcome. I\u2019ve never seen you before, have I?<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
No, I\u2019m a referral. Dr. Loudon is my GP.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Ahhhhhhhh….My old nemesis, Dr. Ronald Loudon!!! I\u2019ve never forgiven him for defeating my army of mutated eels right before…<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Look, can we cut the crap and get things moving?<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Sorry Mrs. Davidson…just reminiscing.<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Well, I\u2019m sorry to be so blunt, but I\u2019m a little fed up right now. I\u2019ve been through 2 doctors, and it took me forever to get referred to a Mad Scientist, since insurance classifies you people as specialists. Then I had to make sure Blue Cross pre-approved me – it\u2019s been a nightmare.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Red tape….always red tape. How may I be of service Mrs. Davidson?<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
It\u2019s my husband, Walter. He\u2019s dead.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
I see…and how long has he been dead?<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Almost a month. He\u2019d been dead less than 24 hours when I first took him in…god damn HMO\u2019s.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Is he here today?<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Yes, he\u2019s in the lobby.<\/p>\n

The DR. presses a button on his desk intercom<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
(into intercom)<\/span><\/em>
Janet, show Mr. Davidson in.<\/p>\n

JANET
<\/u><\/strong>(over intercom)<\/span><\/em>
Right away doctor.<\/p>\n

The DR. starts looking through the file. The door opens and Janet pushes a coffin through to the middle of the room. JANET looks the wheels on the coffin\u2019s trolley and exits again. The DR. and MRS DAVIDSON walk over to the coffin. The DR opens the coffin, pulls Mr. Davidson\u2019s stiff arm from the coffin, and checks his pulse.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Yessssss, he is dead. What did he die of?<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Who knows. He always put off going to the doctor. I kept telling him \u201csome day you\u2019re going to put it off until it\u2019s too late\u201d, but did he listen to me?
(to Mr. Davidson)<\/span><\/em>
NOW LOOK AT YOU WALTER!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED!!!<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Ummmmm…., so well preserved, so many possibilities. The things I could do with his corpse. I could…<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Look, just bring him back to life, okay? That\u2019s all I\u2019ve got approval from Blue Cross for.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
But there is so much more I could do Mrs. Davidson. Merge his DNA with that of a killer shark, use a nuclear isotope to mutate him into a lethal agent of darkness, implant electrodes into his skull that would make him…<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
STOP! Just stop right there!!! You blood-sucking doctors are all alike – let\u2019s check this, let\u2019s try that, blah, blah, blah. Look, I had him in bed for a month, gave him extra fluids, chicken soup, vitamins, steamed up the bathroom and sat him in there for 30 minutes every few days – bupkis! I even tried some of those herbal supplements – none of it made him come back to life. I did everything I could think of not to bring him to a doctor, because everytime I do you shysters just run up the expenses on me. Then my health insurance hits me with a big list of what they won\u2019t cover, and I get stuck with a huge bill. So just bring him back to life, or give me a prescription to bring him back to life, and we\u2019ll be out of your hair, okay?<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
But without extreme measures Mrs. Davidson, bringing him back to life could have side effects.<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
For instance?<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Violent mood swings, cravings for human flesh and brains, irrational fear of fire, things like that.<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Those don\u2019t sound to bad to me. We have natural gas logs in the fireplace, and any emotion he shows towards me would be a step up, if you get my drift.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Mrs. Davidson, I am legally required to do everything I can to prevent side effects like that. I don\u2019t want you coming back and suing me for malpractice…<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Oh geez…those blood-sucking lawyers are worse than you god damn doctors.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
…and the state could revoke my accreditation if he starts terrorizing the country side.<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON pauses and thinks for a minute, looks around to make sure no one\u2019s watching, then leans in very close across the desk.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/strong><\/u> (CONT)<\/em>
Look, Dr. Heiglschwein, isn\u2019t there some way we can get around all those legal requirements? Maybe there\u2019s something I have that you want badly enough to trade me for this itty-bitty favor? Hmmmmmm???<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN thinks for a moment….<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
How attached are you to…..his brain?<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Not very….Walter was never a great thinker.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Well, I might be willing to sidestep a few precautions if you allowed me to keep his brain….and signed this waver.<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN pulls a document from a desk drawer and pushes it across to MRS. DAVIDSON. He pulls a pen out of the breast pocket of his lab coat, clicks it loudly in the silence and sets it down for her to sign.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
(picking up the pen)<\/span><\/em>
Thank you Doctor, you\u2019re a life saver. Done and done<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON starts signing the waver as DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN goes back, grabs a power saw goes over to the coffin. Dr. HEIGLSCHWEIN\u2019s hands are in the coffin so we can\u2019t see them, but we hear a power saw cutting through something, with a few wet sounds tossed in. Dr. HEIGLSCHWEIN sets the power saw down on a bench and pulls a brain out of the coffin. He sets it in a glass jar on the bench as MRS. DAVIDSON comes over.<\/p>\n

Dr. HEIGLSCHWEIN plugs several cables and tubes into the corpse turns several dials and pushes several buttons. He finally pulls a large blade switch on a wall. The lights go dark, sparks light up everywhere, liquids bubble, lightning crashes, etc. When the Dr. pushes the switch back up, smoke is rising from the coffin. A loud grunt is heard, and a hand punches through the side of the coffin. WALTER, who has a large scar across his forehead sits up, rips the rest of the side off the coffin, then stands. He has a very large and obvious erection in his pants. He sees MRS. DAVIDSON and grunts in anger as he goes to strangle her, arms outstretched.<\/em>
<\/span>
MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
Oh knock it off Walter.<\/p>\n

WALTER stops dead in his tracks, dejected and compliant. Dr. HEIGLSCHWEIN comes over, checks WALTER\u2019S heart with a stethoscope.<\/em>
<\/span>
DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
He lives!!!<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
I see that.
(pointing to Walter\u2019s giant erection)<\/span><\/em>
What\u2019s going on with that?<\/p>\n

DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN<\/u><\/strong>
Oh….a side effect. It often occurs when someone has had rigor mortis too long.<\/p>\n

MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
It will eventually go away, right?<\/p>\n

Dr. HEIGLSCHWEIN nods no. MRS DAVIDSON thinks this over, and comes to the happy conclusion this might have it\u2019s benefits.<\/em>
<\/span>
MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong>
(to DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN)<\/span><\/em>
Oh you are good.
(to WALTER)<\/span><\/em>
Walter, we\u2019re going home, right now – get in the car<\/p>\n

WALTER frankenstein-walks out the door, his erection leading the way
<\/em>
MRS. DAVIDSON
<\/u><\/strong>(back to DR. HEIGLSCHWEIN)<\/em>
Thank you Doctor. All my girlfriends are going to hear about you!<\/p>\n

WALTER grunts excitedly offstage.<\/em>
<\/span>
MRS. DAVIDSON<\/u><\/strong> (CONT)<\/em>
(to WALTER)<\/em><\/span>
Walter that\u2019s a hydrangea – stop that!!!
(smiling, to the DOCTOR)<\/em>
<\/span>He was never this frisky before!
(Back to WALTER as she exits)<\/span><\/em>
I\u2019m coming Walter…let\u2019s go home.<\/p>\n

FADE TO BLACK
<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Welcome to…..FRIDAY SKETCH WAR – MAD SCIENTIST EDITION!!!! BWAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (if you were expecting subtle dignity with a theme like Mad Scientist, you are out of your freakin’ mind!!!). It’s been a crazy week, so what better way to polish it off than with a Mad Scientist sketch. No word from Michael or Dave yet, but […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[73,76,89,123],"class_list":["post-136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-friday-sketch-war","tag-fsw","tag-halloween","tag-mad-scientist"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=136"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}