{"id":154,"date":"2008-11-28T18:26:00","date_gmt":"2008-11-29T02:26:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=154"},"modified":"2008-11-28T18:26:00","modified_gmt":"2008-11-29T02:26:00","slug":"fsw-oprah-edition-peters-entry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/?p=154","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Oprah Edition (Peter’s Entry)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

\nFriday Sketch War
\nOprah Edition
\n“No Accounting for Taste”<\/b><\/p>\n

FADE IN:<\/p>\n

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT<\/p>\n

A typical college apartment. MATTHEW (uptight college kid) sits on a couch, picks up a remote, and uses it to turn on an entertainment center. A Pirates of the Caribbean DVD case sits nearby.<\/p>\n

ON TV<\/p>\n

Oprah Winfrey’s talk show returns from commercial. The TV chiron reads, “I can’t control my teenage daughters!”<\/p>\n

BACK ON MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Matthew picks up the DVD case, puzzled. Looks at it, looks at the TV. Meanwhile, we hear the AUDIO from the TV…<\/p>\n

OPRAH (O.S., TV)<\/p>\n

Sandra, what’s the real problem you’ve had with your mom?<\/p>\n

SANDRA (O.S., TV)<\/p>\n

Mom doesn’t like that my sister and I just can’t keep our hands off each other.<\/p>\n

PORN MUSIC kicks in.<\/p>\n

Matthew is intrigued.<\/p>\n

OPRAH (O.S., TV)<\/p>\n

Hey… mind if I join you?<\/p>\n

Matthew lets out a little YELP of alarm and turns off the TV.<\/p>\n

INT. CHASE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Typical messy undergrad bedroom. CHASE (mellow college kid) lies in bed. His outfit includes a belt.<\/p>\n

The room has a shelf of DVDs and two doors: one (closed) door leads to a closet, and one (open) door leads to the hallway. A wig and a magazine sit on the floor.<\/p>\n

Matthew tentatively enters from the hallway, holding a DVD labeled “Oprah: The Lost Nastysodes”.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Chase, I think you got a couple of DVDs swapped.<\/p>\n

Chase gets up, picks up the DVD.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Ooh. Yeah, that’s mine.<\/p>\n

Chase thumbs through the DVDs on the shelf. Matthew looks on.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Chase, is that all Oprah-themed…<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

It’s Oprah porn. What?<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

That’s kind of a lot of it, isn’t it?<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

It’s just the classy stuff.<\/p>\n

(off the DVD)<\/p>\n

These guys, they get the show down, and their Oprah impersonator is just — mmm!<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Oh. That’s good. Can I have my Pirates DVD back?<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

You like this stuff? ‘cos if you want to get into Oprah porn…<\/p>\n

Chase opens the closet door, the inside of which features a bikini pinup with Oprah’s head crudely pasted on top of it.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

… I’m your guy.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Oh god.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Nothin’ to be ashamed of.<\/p>\n

Chase picks up the magazine, hands it to Matthew — the title reads “OhhhhhHHH! The magazine of Oprah-themed Adult Entertainment”.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

See? It’s a whole industry.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

That’s not right.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Wait, I thought you liked The Color Purple.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Yeah, but — wait, didn’t I loan you my copy?<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Want it back?<\/p>\n

Chase rummages through his bedsheets.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

No. I just want to watch Pirates of the Caribbean!<\/p>\n

Matthew trips on the wig. Sees it. Picks it up.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

This is an Oprah wig.<\/p>\n

Chase crosses to the hallway door, closes it.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

I don’t use it for anything weird.<\/p>\n

Matthew drops the wig.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Ew!<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Don’t judge!<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

But Oprah is like America’s mom!<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

(aw, yeah)<\/p>\n

I know.<\/p>\n

Chase walks away from the hall door, revealing:<\/p>\n

A poster of an anim\u00e9 tentacle monster, again with Oprah’s face pasted on.<\/p>\n

Matthew freezes.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Can’t look away, can you?<\/p>\n

Matthew exits in a hurry, and SLAMS the door behind him.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Whew. Dodged that bullet.<\/p>\n

He pulls out a remote, presses a button.<\/p>\n

The Oprah posters roll up to reveal similar pin-ups with Matthew’s head posted on them.<\/p>\n

Chase puts on the wig. Takes off the belt.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

It’s fun time.<\/p>\n

Matthew re-enters.<\/p>\n

MATTHEW<\/p>\n

Look, Chase, could I just get my DVD —<\/p>\n

Matthew sees the new closet poster. Sees the wig. Sees the belt.<\/p>\n

CHASE<\/p>\n

Hi.<\/p>\n

Matthew exits.<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Friday Sketch War Oprah Edition “No Accounting for Taste” FADE IN: INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT A typical college apartment. MATTHEW (uptight college kid) sits on a couch, picks up a remote, and uses it to turn on an entertainment center. A Pirates of the Caribbean DVD case sits nearby. ON TV Oprah Winfrey’s talk […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[144],"class_list":["post-154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-oprah"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=154"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}