{"id":165,"date":"2008-12-12T13:33:00","date_gmt":"2008-12-12T21:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=165"},"modified":"2008-12-12T13:33:00","modified_gmt":"2008-12-12T21:33:00","slug":"sketch-war-first-dates-edition-peters-entry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/?p=165","title":{"rendered":"Sketch War, "First Dates" Edition, Peter’s Entry"},"content":{"rendered":"

Friday Sketch War
\nFirst-Dates Edition
\n\u201cThirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

FADE IN:<\/p>\n

TITLE GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong”.<\/p>\n

CHEERY BOSSA NOVA MUSIC plays throughout. This is the only audio.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #1”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

NEIL and WENDY, dressed nicely, sit opposite each other at a table in an elegant restaurant.<\/p>\n

They both look bored.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#1: Complete lack of chemistry.”<\/p>\n

Neil pulls out a paddle-ball and starts playing with it just before we CUT TO:<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #2”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Wendy sits at the table as before.<\/p>\n

Neil? Nowhere to be seen.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#2: Mis-reading 8:30pm as 6:30pm.”<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #3”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Wendy sits alone at the table. A cell phone sits on the table beside her. A SIREN flashes somewhere offscreen.<\/p>\n

Neil enters DRESSED AS A COP.<\/p>\n

He sizes up the location, a bit perplexed. He says something into his radio.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#3: You didn’t make it clear that it *was* a date.”<\/p>\n

Neil sees Wendy.<\/p>\n

Wendy waves at Neil coyly.<\/p>\n

Neil looks confused.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #4”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy sit at the table.<\/p>\n

Neil wears the traditional garb of Hasidic Judaism.<\/p>\n

Wendy wears a Nazi uniform.<\/p>\n

They both look awkward and uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#4: Insurmountable cultural differences.”<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #5”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil sits at the table, bored to the point of nodding off.<\/p>\n

Wendy talks at him excitedly.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#5: You can’t stop talking about the Second Punic War.”<\/p>\n

Wendy pulls out a large map as a visual aid.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #5b”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Exact same scene as before.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#5b: He refuses to listen to your brilliant commentary about the Second Punic War.”<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #6”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Wendy and Neil sit at the table. They both have plates of food. Neil’s head is face-down on the table. He ain’t moving.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#6: Death.”<\/p>\n

Wendy slowly, furtively steals a bit of food from Neil’s plate.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #7”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy have a perfectly nice time. Nothing going wrong at all.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#7: Attacked by ninjas.”<\/p>\n

NINJAS emerge from the shadows and carry them both off.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #8”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy have another perfectly nice time.<\/p>\n

A WAITER comes by and greets Neil.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, Wendy pulls out a GUN, points it at Neil, and starts yelling at him.<\/p>\n

Some COPS enter behind Wendy and do the same.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#8: It’s actually an elaborate sting operation.”<\/p>\n

Neil jumps up, sweeps away half the stuff off the table, and grabs his fork and knife.<\/p>\n

Neil gets behind the waiter and holds the knife to the waiter’s neck. He brandishes the fork at Wendy & Co.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #9”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy enjoy a quiet moment.<\/p>\n

A salt shaker sits on the table.<\/p>\n

Wendy gestures at the salt shaker.<\/p>\n

It levitates about a foot off the table.<\/p>\n

Neil looks at Wendy with alarm.<\/p>\n

Wendy gestures the salt shaker back down.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#9: You accidentally reveal your scary telekinetic powers.”<\/p>\n

An awkward moment.<\/p>\n

Wendy pulls out a paddle-ball and tries to distract Neil by playing with it.<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #10”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy are having a pleasant time again.<\/p>\n

There is a flash of light, and a puff of smoke emanates from offscreen.<\/p>\n

OLDER WENDY enters and all but drags a reluctant Wendy away.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#10: Later in life, you invent time travel.”<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #11”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy chat.<\/p>\n

Neil disappears in a puff of smoke.<\/p>\n

In his place is a live chicken.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#11: One of you turns into a chicken.”<\/p>\n

Wendy, all-but-entranced and nearly-drooling, picks up her knife and fork.<\/p>\n

ADDITIONAL SUBTITLE: “… a juicy, delicious chicken.”<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #12”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy chat pleasantly.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#12: Sudden, explosive bleeding from the eyes.”<\/p>\n

They continue to chat pleasantly.<\/p>\n

ADDITIONAL SUBTITLE: “(not shown)”<\/p>\n

FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #13”.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT<\/p>\n

Neil and Wendy have a wonderful time.<\/p>\n

A SUBTITLE appears: “#13: The date is fictional.”<\/p>\n

The DIRECTOR wanders into the shot and talks to Neil and Wendy.<\/p>\n

ZOOM OUT to include the rest of the set.<\/p>\n

A CAMERAMAN wanders in front of the camera, reaches around to turn it off, and we —<\/p>\n

\nBLACK OUT.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Friday Sketch War First-Dates Edition \u201cThirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong\u201d FADE IN: TITLE GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong”. CHEERY BOSSA NOVA MUSIC plays throughout. This is the only audio. FULL-SCREEN GRAPHIC reads “Thirteen Ways a First Date Can Go Wrong: #1”. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT NEIL and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[68],"class_list":["post-165","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-first-date"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/165","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=165"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/165\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=165"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=165"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=165"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}