{"id":637,"date":"2009-03-04T17:33:11","date_gmt":"2009-03-05T00:33:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=637"},"modified":"2009-03-04T17:33:11","modified_gmt":"2009-03-05T00:33:11","slug":"danielle-steel-or-steely-dan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/?p=637","title":{"rendered":"Danielle Steel or Steely Dan?"},"content":{"rendered":"

(The game show set of \u201cDanielle Steel or Steely Dan.\u201d The host, ZACK HICKS, grins at the camera.)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\nHello again everybody, and welcome to \u201cDanielle Steel or Steely Dan,\u201d the game that quizzes your knowledge of popular literature and music. Let\u2019s meet today\u2019s contestant!<\/p>\n

ANNOUNCER
\nToday\u2019s contestant is a dental hygienist from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Please welcome Jill Beringer!<\/p>\n

(JILL enters excitedly amidst applause.)<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nWelcome, Jill!<\/p>\n

JILL
\nThanks, Jack!!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nYou know how it works. I will give you a title. And you have to tell me if it\u2019s the title of a book by renowned romance novelist Danielle Steel or of a song by jazz-infused classic rockers Steely Dan. You ready?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nI am!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nWe\u2019re going to start out simple with your first title. \u201cHaitian Divorce.\u201d Danielle Steel or Steely Dan?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nThat has got to be Danielle Steel.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nAnd why is that?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nI think it follows a woman who decided she and her husband should take separate vacations to separate tropical countries. She got the idea from her sister, who has nicknamed this a \u201cHaitian Divorce.\u201d She falls in love with a passionate, well-endowed local conman who takes her to bed but then takes her for all she\u2019s worth, and then she returns to her marriage sadder and wiser.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nNo, I\u2019m afraid it is a Steely Dan song.<\/p>\n

AUDIENCE
\nAwwww!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\n\u201cHaitian Divorce\u201d? Doesn\u2019t ring a bell?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nNo!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nWell, if it\u2019s any consolation, your plot was surprisingly accurate. All righty, next title. \u201cFive Days in Paris.\u201d Danielle Steel or Steely Dan?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nI\u2019m going to say… Um…<\/p>\n

ZACK
\n\u201cFive Days in Paris.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nOkay, I\u2019m going with Steely Dan, and here\u2019s why. It sounds like a narrative about a businessman who brings his mistress to a casino under the guise of taking a business trip, but he becomes crippled with guilt and spends all his time at the blackjack table. And then he gets violently mugged.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nNo, I\u2019m afraid it\u2019s Danielle Steel.<\/p>\n

AUDIENCE
\nAwwww!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nThis steamy 1997 novel follows a president of a pharmaceutical empire and a senator\u2019s wife \u2013 two lives forever changed by five days in the titular city. Jill, it\u2019s just not your day so far!<\/p>\n

JILL
\nI know!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nThat\u2019s all right, your fortunes will turn. Shall we move to the next title?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nYes!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nAll right. \u201cGlamour Profession.\u201d Danielle Steel or Steely Dan?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nGrr! These are impossible!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\n\u201cGlamour Profession.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nOkay. I think that\u2019s Danielle Steel. And… It\u2019s about the modeling industry. A beautiful young model in Manhattan, right off the bus, gets seduced by a swarthy but soulful bohemian photographer who introduces her to a billionaire banker. She becomes a kept woman and becomes addicted to the high rolling lifestyle, until she sees her billionaire starting a relationship with a new young model. And she sees that she has given up her soul.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nI like that plot.<\/p>\n

JILL
\nThank you.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nI would read that book.<\/p>\n

JILL
\nWould you?<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nIf only it existed. Because it is in fact a Steely Dan song about an athlete\/drug dealer in Los Angeles.<\/p>\n

JILL
\nDarn!<\/p>\n

AUDIENCE
\nAwwww!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nIt\u2019s okay, these are tough. Are you ready for one more?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nLet\u2019s do this.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nAll righty. \u201cMirror Image.\u201d Danielle Steel or Steely Dan?<\/p>\n

JILL
\n\u201cMirror Image.\u201d Um… \u201cMirror Image.\u201d<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nDanielle Steel or Steely Dan?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nI think… I\u2019m going to go… with… Steely Dan.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nAnd why is that?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nBecause it sounds like some middle class suburbanites sitting by the pool the day after a swingers party they\u2019ve hosted. Um. There was a lot of marijuana, and then they selected keys from a bowl. But they picked their own keys. And now they\u2019re glaring at each other, trying to laugh it off, drinking cocktails to take the edge off their hangovers, but inside, their hearts are burbling over with resentment. And I think maybe their friend has committed suicide.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nThat makes perfect sense to me, but guess what.<\/p>\n

JILL
\nIt was Danielle Steel.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nI\u2019m afraid so.<\/p>\n

AUDIENCE
\nAwwww!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nA work of historical fiction taking place in the early 1900s, \u201cMirror Image\u201d follows the exploits of Olivia and Victoria, two beautiful young heiresses who are identical twins.<\/p>\n

JILL
\nI was going to say that!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nThat\u2019s all right! You can make it all up in our speed round. Are you ready?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nAs ready as I\u2019ll ever be, Zack.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nAll righty. The clock starts when I read the first title. \u201cThe House on Hope Street.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nSteely Dan.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cPearl of the Quarter.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nDanielle Steel.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cA Perfect Stranger.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nSteely Dan.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cWanderlust.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nSteely Dan.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cRose Darling.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nDanielle Steel.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cGreen Earrings.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nDanielle Steel.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cBabylon Sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nDanielle Steel.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cFine Things.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nSteely Dan.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cMy Rival.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nDanielle Steel.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\nZACK
\n\u201cGranny Dan.\u201d<\/p>\n

JILL
\nSteely Dan.<\/p>\n

(buzzer \u2013 wrong answer)
\n<\/em>
\n(We hear a mournful slash chord played on a synthesizer.)
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

ZACK
\nJill, Jill, Jill…<\/p>\n

JILL
\n(burying her face in her hands)
\n<\/em>I know…<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nI\u2019m afraid you got not a single title right.<\/p>\n

JILL
\nOh, I am so embarrassed.<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nThat\u2019s all right, we\u2019ve got a lovely consolation prize for you. Tell her what she\u2019s won!<\/p>\n

ANNOUNCER
\nJill will take home a year\u2019s supply of Ben & Jerry\u2019s ice cream and a copy of Bert Ligon\u2019s book \u201cConnecting Chords with Linear Harmony.\u201d<\/p>\n

ZACK
\nThat sound all right to you Jill?<\/p>\n

JILL
\nThat sounds great, Zack!<\/p>\n

ZACK
\n(to the camera)
\n<\/em>Well you know what sounds great to me? Meeting up again tomorrow for another episode of…<\/p>\n

ZACK, JILL, AUDIENCE
\nDanielle Steel or Steely Dan!<\/p>\n

(ZACK and JILL blow us a kiss. Closing credits.)
\n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(The game show set of \u201cDanielle Steel or Steely Dan.\u201d The host, ZACK HICKS, grins at the camera.) ZACK Hello again everybody, and welcome to \u201cDanielle Steel or Steely Dan,\u201d the game that quizzes your knowledge of popular literature and music. Let\u2019s meet today\u2019s contestant! ANNOUNCER Today\u2019s contestant is a dental hygienist from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[81],"class_list":["post-637","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-game-show"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/637","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=637"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/637\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=637"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=637"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=637"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}