{"id":98,"date":"2008-08-15T08:36:00","date_gmt":"2008-08-15T16:36:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wwwold.sketchwar.org\/?p=98"},"modified":"2008-08-15T08:36:00","modified_gmt":"2008-08-15T16:36:00","slug":"fsw-payroll-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/?p=98","title":{"rendered":"FSW: Payroll Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

This week’s theme was “payroll”.<\/em>
<\/em>
Richard said he had trouble with it, but turned in a <\/em>fine sketch<\/em><\/a> none the less.<\/em>
<\/em>
No word from the <\/em>theme originator<\/em><\/a> yet.<\/em>
<\/em>
Here’s my effort this week. Not crazy about the ending. But it’ll do for now.<\/em>
<\/em>
Next week’s theme is “Back to School<\/strong>“. <\/em>
<\/em>
And, as always, if you’d like join us, simply write a sketch and let us know where to read it.<\/em><\/p>\n

The Meeting<\/p>\n

(The backroom of a warehouse. A table sits in the middle of an empty room. A single, bare bulb swings from the ceiling. Eight of the roughest, meanest looking thugs sit at the table. Jimmy \u201cThe Clam\u201d Garbosi stands at the head of the table. He has a briefcase and a large shopping bag.)
Jimmy: As you\u2019s fellas know, it\u2019s been a rough year for The Family. Peoples ain\u2019t been able to pay as much for protection and whatnot.<\/p>\n

(He takes a stack of stapled papers out of his briefcase. There is a colorful pie chart on the front page. He hands the stack to Ernie \u201cThe Node\u201d Farconni.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Take one and pass it around.<\/p>\n

(They do.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: As you\u2019s can see from the chart here-<\/p>\n

Ernie: You do this?<\/p>\n

Jimmy: So what if I did?<\/p>\n

Ernie: It\u2019s nice work.<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Grazie. As I was sayin\u2019. Our income is down 32% from this time last year.<\/p>\n

Barry: Is that the yellow chunk?<\/p>\n

Jimmy: (sigh) Yes, Barry, it\u2019s the yellow chunk. Now, what this means, unfortunately, is that we\u2019re going to have to let some of you go.<\/p>\n

(Everyone tenses up. Some of them reach for the inside of their jackets. Everyone watches everyone.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Whoa, whoa, whoa. It ain\u2019t gonna be like that. Hands on the table guys. Come on.<\/p>\n

(Everyone slowly pulls their hands out of their coats and puts them on the table.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: The Family understands that you\u2019s gotta feed your own and if that means you gotta find work with another family, that\u2019s the way the meatball bounces. But. Know this. If you choose this option and I see you out on the street, I\u2019ll shoot your fuckin\u2019 face off. (beat) Questions?<\/p>\n

(Harry \u201cThe Limp\u201d Barollo is flipping through the hand-out. He raises his hand.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Harry.<\/p>\n

Harry: It don\u2019t say nuthin\u2019 in here \u2018bout our benefits.<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Right. Good question. We will continue your benefits package for six months after your termination.<\/p>\n

(Everyone tenses. A couple people reach for their coats.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Tah, tah, tah. Relax.<\/p>\n

(Everyone does.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: So you can still get free lunches at Gordo\u2019s on 63rd and the fish fry Fridays is free at Sal\u2019s, but only during Lent. The backroom at Mac\u2019s is available to for parties, but you\u2019re gonna have to pay for your own booze.<\/p>\n

Ernie: No dames?<\/p>\n

Jimmy: No dames, Ernie. You\u2019re gonna have to settle for your wife like the rest of us.<\/p>\n

(Everyone chuckles.)<\/p>\n

Ernie: You disrespectin\u2019 my wife?<\/p>\n

Harry: No, he\u2019s disrespectin\u2019 you, ya mook.<\/p>\n

Ernie: Who you callin\u2019 a \u201cmook\u201d, ya hose?<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Fellas, fellas. Please. Could we not live up to the stereotype for one stinkin\u2019 meetin\u2019?<\/p>\n

Barry: So who\u2019s goin\u2019?<\/p>\n

(Everyone nods and looks at Jimmy. He pulls out a sheet of paper.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Before I read off these names I want you to know that this wasn\u2019t an easy decision. We looked through your past performance records, took into account the number of years you\u2019ve been workin\u2019 with \u2013<\/p>\n

(Harry shoves himself back from the table, reaches into his coat, pulls out his gun and shoot\u2019s the man across from him, dead.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Wait!<\/p>\n

(Immediately everyone is on their feet. Shots ring out. Goombahs dies. When the dust settles, Jimmy is still at the head of the table. Harry, Barry and Ernie are the only three left standing. Jimmy looks down at the piece of paper in his hands and shakes his head.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: What are the odds? Right. Get this mess cleaned up. There\u2019s work to be done.<\/p>\n

(Harry and Barry begin dragging bodies off.)<\/p>\n

Ernie: Hey, Jimmy. What\u2019s in the bag?<\/p>\n

Jimmy: It was PSPs and iPods for the fellas that was gonna get axed.<\/p>\n

Ernie: Can I have one?<\/p>\n

Jimmy: You\u2019re still here, Ernie.<\/p>\n

Ernie: Yeah, but I\u2019d like an iPod.<\/p>\n

Jimmy: Well, you shoulda thought of that before you got all trigger happy. Now help these guys out before I get sore at ya.<\/p>\n

(Jimmy walks off. Ernie is using one of the hand-outs to scoop up someone\u2019s splattered brains.)<\/p>\n

Jimmy: (To himself) Middle management sucks.<\/p>\n

BLACKOUT<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This week’s theme was “payroll”.Richard said he had trouble with it, but turned in a fine sketch none the less.No word from the theme originator yet.Here’s my effort this week. Not crazy about the ending. But it’ll do for now.Next week’s theme is “Back to School“. And, as always, if you’d like join us, simply […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[88,182,236],"class_list":["post-98","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sketches","tag-goombahs","tag-sketch-war","tag-writing"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=98"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=98"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=98"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sketchwar.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=98"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}