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FSW: Radio Show Edition
Another Friday and another sketch that I’m pulling out of my filing cabinet. Being tech week for Metaluna, I just haven’t had a free moment to write, let alone think of anything other than my lines for the show.Richard’s all new this week, though, and not messing around. People have gotten hurt.Dave’s been AWOL for…
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FSW: Rules of Order
(Amy stands at the head of a packed and unruly conference table. Everyone is talking over everyone else, trying to be heard above the din and chaos. Kurt sits quietly by Amy’s side.) AMY People! People! Please! Can we have order, please?! (She bangs her hand on the table and the chattering stops. Amy’s got…
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FSW: Reaction Edition
The gauntlet was thrown down and I tripped over it, but never picked it up. It’s been a long week and I thought I was being good by getting this sketch written the other day. I just couldn’t shift gears to the 4th mode fast enough. Maybe next week. However, if you want to read…
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FSW: The Legend of the Fourth
I decided to go with an Independence Day theme for this one, also challenging Michael to see if he could do the same. We’ll see what he comes up with later, but for now, please enjoy my offering. The Legend of the Fourth(Stan sits at the edge of his young son Seth’s bed, tucking him…
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All I Want is a Relaxing Dinner with Limp Bizkit
(A restaurant. A MAÎTRE D’ answers the phone. It’s FRED DURST.) MAÎTRE D’Good afternoon, Kyle’s on Seventh. FREDYes, I’d like to make a reservation for tonight. MAÎTRE D’Certainly, sir. How many will be dining? FREDFour. MAÎTRE D’And your name please? FREDDurst. MAÎTRE D’“Durst”? FREDYes. MAÎTRE D’I’m sorry, is that “Durst” or “Burst”? FREDDurst. (The MAÎTRE…
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FSW: The Loan’s the Thing Edition
Hey, hey! It’s still daylight out and I’m posting my sketch! Huzzah.Richard is already in the mix and should probably watch out for stray bolts of lightening this weekend.No word from Dave yet, but keep your eyes peeled because he could strike at any moment.Here’s my attempt to get back into the swing of things.…
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FSW: Witness Protection
(A gray, grimy interrogation room. One table, two chairs, harsh fluorescents. MARVIN HENDERSON sits nervously opposite DET. JASON DETWILER.) MARVINIt’s not fair. DETWILERLife’s not fair, Henderson. MARVINI need guarantees. DETWILERGuarantees? Haven’t you figured out from all of this that there are no guarantees in this life? Or the next? MARVINHe’ll kill me. You’ve got to…
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FSW: Short & Sweet Edition
Dave was out of the gate early today rewriting classic movies. Richard is up and at ’em having some trouble with the law. I’m still on Pacific time, which is why mine seems late, but really isn’t. It’s also why mine doesn’t seem funny, but really is. (Paul sits in a kayak, bobbing in the…
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FSW: Trapezoid Traffic Stop
(Harold and Debbie sit in their car, strobing blue and red lights shining through the rear window making clear their plight. At the wheel, Harold looks forlorn, Debbie irritated.) RADIO ANNOUNCER (O.S.)…come on in to Spiedermann’s Metal Gazebos. With every great bower comes great bronze stability! DEBBIETurn that off! (Harold kills the radio. A trooper…
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Action Movie One-Liners Don’t Work In Real Life
(Wesley Snipes talks on an airplane phone to hijacker and terrorist mastermind Charles Rane.) In “Passenger 57” SNIPESYou ever play roulette? RANEOn occasion. SNIPESWell let me give you a word of advice: always bet on black. In Real Life SNIPESYou ever play roulette? (pause) RANEDo I what? SNIPESEver play roulette. RANEWhy? SNIPESJust answer the question.…