Sketch Entries from the warriors
If it was politically correct, I’m sure he would be all over this…
[fountain]
INT. SET OF THE SECRET WORLD OF DICK CHENEY
MUSIC plays as DICK CHENEY, dressed in a technicolor CAPE and glitter bopper ANTENNA HEADBAND, sits on a chair in the center of a carnivalesque set replica of the oval office (crazy pinks and greens, oddly shaped furniture, polka dot wallpaper, etc).
[fountain]
EXT. TREE-LINED STREET – DAY
Bright, sunny, animated in a style that’s a cross between “Ren and Stimpy” and latter Hanna-Barbera. DAVEY lopes down the sidewalk, meeting NICKY pulling KIRILL around in a RADIO FLYER WAGON.
DAVEY
Hey guys. I see you got Nicky to pull you around, again.
KIRILL
He’s no driver. He is the undertaker!
DAVEY
What does that even mean?
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Hi all — here’s my take on the “State of Health Care” edition of Sketchwar.
Okay, I’ll admit it. This week’s topic is my fault. I don’t know. Blame it on my vast (negative) experiences with the medical establishment and years of having a chronic illness. For some reason, I now find pre-existing conditions, snarky nurses, biowaste, and medical uncertainty extremely funny. Either that, or at this point, its all so distressing to me that all I can do is laugh at the insanity of it. In any case, had a lot to write about this week, so without further ado…
Oy. Not loving this one too much. I started in a trauma center and dumped that. Then I moved on to the barber shop. Then I decided I was so in love with an idea I had to shoehorn it in the middle here…you’ll see what I mean. I think there are two good sketches that could be made from this mess, but I don’t have either of them.
[fountain]
INT. BARBER SHOP – DAY
An old-school barber shop with three MIDDLEAGED ITALIAN MEN sporting slicked hair and white coats. The formica and linoleum sparkle. A small TV mounted above the mirrors plays a news program. The bell on the door rings and MICHAEL, obese and sloppy, trudges in eating a SnoBall. He plops in the seat in front of JOHNNY, the youngest and sleekest of the barbers.
JOHNNY
What can I do you for, Mikey?
MICHAEL
A little off the top. I’ve got a date with Maria Pasquino tonight and I want to look my best.
JOHNNY
You’ve got it, Mikey.
Johnny takes a carefully folded sheet from the shelf under the mirror and with a wrist flip snaps it to full length before wrapping Michael with it. He then reaches for a long hose with a needle attachment.
MICHAEL
Not too close. I like to leave a little for the ladies to hold onto if you know what I mean.
(more…)
Hi all — here’s my take on the “Interviews that Never Aired” edition of Sketchwar.
How many stupid questions does it take to incite the rapture?
Being a radio interview conducted on the floor of the Roman Forum, 15 March, 44 B.C.
[fountain]
Sounds of cheering and applause.
CICERO
Brutus! Brutus! Do you have a minute?
(Beat)
Brutus, that was a hell of a shot there. Was that something you’d drawn up, or did you just take the dagger and create?
BRUTUS
We’ve got a lot of set plays for situations like these, Cicero. What we were trying to run there was a play called Red Rubicon Right, but Caesar anticipated and defended against it so I had to improvise.
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So, what becomes of the women for whom Mother’s Day serves no purpose…?
I try to mix things up on holidays and do things that are surprising, but sometimes it’s hard not to fall into a rut. Here’s a sketch that illustrates what might happen if you allow yourself to become boring…
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