Here’s my commentary for the 4/24/09 round of Sketchwar, which had the theme “Radio Serials.”

I continue slowly catching up on Sketchwar commentary. If I recall correctly, “Radio Serials” was my suggestion. It’s been a favorite format of mine since we improvised the “Killer Robots” radio serial at the Hideout Theatre way back when. I’m eager to see what the Sketchwarriors came up with for this….
 
 
“Future Man, Episode 1: Google”
Generally, I was really happy with this one. It captures the ambience of old-timey radio drama nicely, and the “time-travel to the studio producing the time-travel show” conceit did a good job of tying my brain in a knot.

My only kvetch is that after Future Man says “he’s willing to guarantee a share of the pie when the whole Internet thing hits,” it feels like we’re done. I’m not saying it needs a blackout (“fadeout?” “silent-out?”) right then, but the rest of the sketch could be *very* streamlined. Let Future Man give a few more details about the business arrangement, give the radio people a few lines to wonder where the script is coming from, and then boom — send Future Man on his way.

You’d lose the radio profanities and possibly the ‘that was the commercial’ bit. I like that latter bit, but I think it’d be a net win — you’d wind up with a shorter, funnier sketch after trimming it down.
 
 
“The Silver Stoat”
Ha! Well-played, Mr. Coyote, giving us a scene in a radio station. And damn if it ain’t soaking in ambience.

And yes, just as soon as we get comfortable with the romanticism of old-timey radio, you hit us with that “fortified with cocaine” bit. Well-timed, and it got a big laugh out of me.

From there, it just gets better as the second foley artist botches everything. I’m not sure why it’s so funny, though I guess watching a precision operation fall to pieces + everyone frantically trying to save it = hilarity.

And then — gah! If you’d just kept playing out the foley artist’s doomed, misguided love for cocaine-infused bourbon, this would’ve been absolutely perfect. Instead, it looks like you backed off of that so you could play out the rest of the radio-serial episode. Grr!

You did do a fine job of getting to the end of the show-within-a-show episode, but it looks like you sacrificed the natural conclusion of the *sketch*, which probably comprised the studio burning down and the foley artist fleeing the scene with a bottle of his precious, precious bourbon.

I’m sure there are a dozen other ways to end the sketch, but really, anything that took the comic twist you introduced to its natural conclusion would have worked. There is a very, very good sketch in here.
 
 
Boring Science Fiction Theatre, parts 1, 2, and 3
Wow. Nicely-done horror this time. In fact, everybody is really nailing the ambience of their chosen genres on this one, and that makes me very happy.

I really like this concept; it’s simple and effective.

On the first episode, I might pare down the initial description of the meal and the bickering over whether to get dessert, but both of those are clear parodies of genre conventions and probably work just fine in performance. I might cut the “Zombie Moth” excerpt. Yes, it reflects the “next time on <blah>” convention, but it doesn’t really add anything to the title joke.

Second episode: “curséd” made me laugh, and the delivery was spot-on throughout. Yes of *course* he passes the necklace on to another doomed customer at the end. Again, I’m not 100% on board for these excerpts from the following episode, although I like this one better than the “Zombie Moth” excerpt.

(Tell me there is a recording of this episode somewhere.)

And eh, the third one didn’t do it for me. I think the police chase was a little too exciting, as was Frankenstein’s dialog. I think at the very start I sorted out that it was going to be Frankenstein’s monster, only with a sandwich, and then the rest of the sketch didn’t really surprise me with any unexpected jokes.

Still, the first two were hilarious, so hats off to you, sir.
 
 
“Colonel Matt Mecury – Defender of Earth!!!”
I’m afraid I don’t have much of anything useful to say about this one. I think it’s got a little too much platform at the start; I’d get to “They’re live on the air, ma’am!” a bit quicker. Once you get to Dan and Ray trying to act out the episode while simultaneously fend off Bess, you’re golden.

Honestly, I might cut past the exposition about exactly what sort of altercation Bess and Dan are having, and go straight from the “It may have gotten me into bed” line to the series of seductive lines from Dan. You’d lose the cup advert and the “inflate” line, but you’d also lose a lot of explain-a-logging, and likely come out ahead. Likewise, I’d probably cut from “Damn, he works fast.” to the announcer’s wrapup.

The shape of the sketch is exactly right, there are just some lulls I want to skip past.
 
 
“Anything Goes on the Radios”
This one is pretty good as is, but I’m guessing if you’d simplified it down to “Bing Crosby hosts a Jerry-Springer-esque radio show” you would have been better off. I don’t think including the family listening at home really added much to the comedy, and it meant there was that much more platform to lay down at the start of the sketch.

Likewise, I don’t know if we gain much by having the show-within-the-show being obviously staged. Frankly, I would love to see a straight-up Jerry Springer episode hosted by the smooth, convivial Mr. Crosby.^[1]

That said, there’s still that kernel of Crosby-as-Springer in the center of this sketch, and I found that aspect of it really entertaining.
 
 
“Raoul and Dave Confuse the World, Episode 25”
On to mine.

It looks like I was the only one who didn’t put the format in its proper historical context. Instead, I used the theme as an excuse to play with a concept I’d already been working on here and here. I think that the market for radio serials is underserved, and the format is relatively easy to produce, so I test out a lot of story ideas in this format.

I dunno about this attempt, though. I think I’ve got a funny character going with Raoul, and a lightly amusing character dynamic going on between him and Dave. Generally, though, this came out pretty plotty, a bit confusing, and not so funny (á la “Grosvernor Square”). At least I tear through it pretty fast and end on an intriguing appearance from the Vatican.

Ah well. This was a neat little exercise in seeing what that particular concept can do in its simplest form.

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[1] Yes, I know that a Springer episode is mostly staged. I still think that having the foley artists fake the fighting adds some needless complexity and confusion to the sketch.