FADE IN: 

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING – DAY

A clean, shiny office building.

DOCENT (V.O.)

The next part of the intelligence test covers situations.

INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

The DOCENT sits across a desk from HANK (40s), a grizzled type in an ill-fitting suit.

DOCENT

So, I’ll explain a situation to you. You explain how you deal with it.

HANK

Mmm.

DOCENT

Okay, first situation: you’re lost in the woods. How do you find your way back to civilization?

HANK

That’s a tricky one.

DOCENT

Take as long as you need.

HANK

‘cos the forest? The forest wants you to die.

DOCENT

Oh-kay...

HANK

First thing is, make sure you go in a line. The forest? The forest’ll make you walk in circles, round and round, ’til you die.

DOCENT

So how do you do --

HANK

You pick three spots in a line, start walking. Get to the second, pick a fourth. Get to the third, pick a fifth.

DOCENT

Interesting.

HANK

And if’n it rained, you can check the moss, which’ll grow on the north sides of the trees.

DOCENT

Moss?

HANK

Or, if you have a clear enough view of the sky, you can guide yourself by the sun. Or if it’s nighttime, sight the north star.

DOCENT

Right, and you just keep walking ’til --

HANK

You keep walking. And you use everything you got to keep the madness at bay.

DOCENT

Sorry -- did you say --

HANK

Oh, there ain’t nothin’ lonelier than losing your way in the woods. You can scream, but the leaves just eat your voice. You can run, but the woods, they just go on forever. It’s just you, like a tiny little speck, surrounded by hundreds of those centuries life, all of it waiting to snuff you out.

DOCENT

I think we’re getting off-topic --

HANK

Sometimes their voices call out to you. Maybe you find yourself on some sheer drop, and the spirit of the woods is there, tempting you to end it all.

DOCENT

Okay, now --

HANK

L’appel du vide, the French call it.

DOCENT

That’s not really a strategy, though --

HANK

So you just keep walking. Keep walking, and hope you chose right. Pray with every step that you find an escape before the madness finds you.

DOCENT

Okay.

HANK

Mm-hmm.

DOCENT

Or also, you could climb a tall tree and see which way the buildings are.

Beat.

HANK

Dammit.

DOCENT

Yeah.

HANK

This mean I’m not getting the accounting job?

DOCENT

Probably not.

FADE OUT.