FADE IN:

INT. OFFICE – DAY

MR. GELLMAN (40s) sits at his desk in a shabby little industrial office.

SHAUN (20s) sits across from him.

Gellman happily shuffles through a few papers.

GELLMAN

And there’s that sorted, and... congratulations! Shaun, you are our newest mechanic specialist!

SHAUN

Awesome!

A firm handshake.

Gellman digs up one last form.

GELLMAN

Oh, right, there’s one last thing. Nothing, really --

He hands the form to Shaun.

SHAUN

This contract is under an NDA?

Shaun shrugs, gets out his pen.

GELLMAN

Bit more than that. You can’t even acknowledge that this place exists.

SHAUN

What?

GELLMAN

Sorry to say, this whole factory is a bit of a conspiracy. Our own government doesn’t know about it. One of those ‘black projects’.

SHAUN

Well... do I pretend I’m in some sort of front organization, or --

GELLMAN

Oh, no, no, that never works. If anyone asks, don’t say anything about this agency; just claim to work in ‘software development’.

Beat.

SHAUN

Software development?

GELLMAN

Mm-hmm!

SHAUN

That works?

GELLMAN

Indeed! Don’t worry, it shuts down conversations dead.

SHAUN

Huh. So, are all ‘software developers’ actually...

He gestures at the office around him.

Gellman nods.

GELLMAN

Programming work was all farmed out to India ages ago. So now, you see lots of people pulling down high salaries for work they never actually talk about? That’s mostly black-box operations such as, well, this one.

SHAUN

But... but there are whole magazines and websites and conferences devoted to --

GELLMAN

Right, it’s a sizeable job, maintaining all that -- but it’s a collective effort from secret crimefighting organizations, garden-variety mad scientists, superhero support infrastructures.

SHAUN

This -- okay, this has gotta be some kinda joke --

GELLMAN

You really think php is real? Or that any sane person would use it if it were?

SHAUN

Oh, I... I don’t know what php is. Any time somebody mentions something like that, my mind glazes over.

GELLMAN

That’s precisely how it’s designed!

SHAUN

No kidding!

GELLMAN

Every six months to a year, they come up with a new set of buzzwords, just in case any outsiders get too curious. A good many English majors work on that.

SHAUN

I always thought there were way too many English majors for the existing job market.

GELLMAN

Quite. And that way, the rest of us can keep fighting aliens, performing bizarre experiments in transhumanism, dealing with singularity-level AIs -- you name in -- without incontroverting the conventional world.

SHAUN

Huh.

GELLMAN

So. The NDA?

SHAUN

I don’t know if I feel comfortable with this sort of dishonesty. (thinks a moment) Oh, but this is one of those things where I already know too much, isn’t it?

GELLMAN

Rather.

SHAUN

I don’t really have a choice?

GELLMAN

We do employ a team of freelance assassins to eliminate leaks. Nice people, really, but --

Shaun sighs.

GELLMAN

And... look, I’m not supposed to say this, but I’ll just ‘throw caution to the wind’, as it were. It might be that we’re making an army of killer robots capable of taking over the world. Just... throwing that out there.

SHAUN

Really?

Gellman touches a finger to his nose.

SHAUN

Wow.

GELLMAN

Does that help?

SHAUN

Absolutely! That’s awesome!

Shaun happily signs the last form.

GELLMAN

I know, right?

SHAUN

Why didn’t you just lead off with that?

GELLMAN

Good point, Shaun. Good point.

FADE OUT.