FADE IN:

INT. OFFICE DOOR – DAY

A sign on a door reads, “Stan Wellnitz, TSA Administrator.”

CONNOR (V.O.)

I just can’t do it, boss.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

WELLNITZ (50s) sits at his desk in a shabby little office.

CONNOR (20s, haunted) sits across from him.

WELLNITZ

Connor, this is silly. You’re the best backscatter analyst this airport has.

CONNOR

Too much nakedness. Too much.

WELLNITZ

Yes, when somebody steps into the airport scanning machine, you’re the guy that sees them more-or-less naked. So? You’re a big boy, Connor. It’s fine.

CONNOR

Maybe if I lived in France, or I dunno, Sweden, it would be fine. But we’re in America.

Off of Wellnitz’s puzzled look --

CONNOR

There are three million morbidly-obese people in this country, boss.

(haunted whisper)

I think I’ve seen all of them.

WELLNITZ

Your problem is... the nudity?

CONNOR

(to himself)

So many skin diseases.

WELLNITZ

Well, just suck it up for eight hours a day, and --

CONNOR

This has ruined nudity for me, forever. I see naked people everywhere.

Wellnitz gets up from his desk.

WELLNITZ

What, so you can tell what I’m carrying now?

CONNOR

Keys, wallet, and fifty-seven cents in loose change.

This stuns Wellnitz for a moment, then --

WELLNITZ

You’re seeing me naked?

Connor stares somewhere far away.

CONNOR

Right now, I’m seeing a naked, four-hundred pound man with a

colostomy bag and a raging erection.

WELLNITZ

But I’m not four hundred pounds --

CONNOR

I saw that image three months ago.

(haunted whisper)

It never leaves.

WELLNITZ

Connor, we started using software to distort the passengers’ faces and... intimate areas. So I think --

CONNOR

(shudders)

I know. They’re distorted freaks! They’re showing up in my nightmares.

WELLNITZ

Alright, fine, Connor.

CONNOR

It’s like David Cronenberg is directing my dreams.

Offscreen, the door opens.

RIKU

Hi guys!

Connor turns to see --

A horrible vision

A short, squat man, but black and white, naked, folds of fat everywhere, patchy skin, the face stretched out into a horrid rictus, the crotch eerily smoothed out.

back on connor

Connor yelps, cowers in his seat, rubs his eyes, and now we cut back to a...

normal shot of the office

We see that it’s RIKU (20s), the same short, squat guy, but fully clothed.

He’s still incredibly creepy, but he no longer looks like something out of Ringu.

RIKU

What?

WELLNITZ

Riku here can take on your responsibilities, Connor.

RIKU

Sweet!

Riku gets uncomfortably close to Connor’s ear.

RIKU

(whispers)

I want to see the naked people.

WELLNITZ

That’s good for you, right, Connor?

CONNOR

Yes. But --

Riku interrupts with a creepy noise.

CONNOR

-- but maybe not the best for passengers. Y’know what? I’ll... I’ll stick this out a while longer.

WELLNITZ

Really?

CONNOR

Yeah, you don’t need to transfer Riku.

Connor exits the office like a man walking up to the gallows.

Beat.

RIKU

You wouldn’t really put me on backscatter duty, would you?

WELLNITZ

Hell no. You’re just here to scare Connor back into line.

INT. OFFICE DOOR – DAY

Same as before.

RIKU (V.O.)

Whew. Thank god. I’m creepy, but even I’ve got limits.

FADE OUT.