FADE IN: 

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

CODY (16) sits at a table in a nice suburban living room, working on math homework.

UNCLE THOMAS (30s) enters, carrying a laptop computer.

CODY

Hey Uncle Thomas.

UNCLE THOMAS

Oh, hey Cody. If you see your mom, tell her I returned her laptop.

He sets the laptop on an endtable, and starts to head back out.

CODY

Uncle Thomas, have you ever used trigonometry for anything ever?

UNCLE THOMAS

Huh. No, not really. But I went into programming, so --

CODY

Gawd. This is totes useless.

UNCLE THOMAS

Well -- no. I mean, if you go on to higher math, or physics, or --

CODY

I am so not doing that, Uncle Thomas.

UNCLE THOMAS

I dunno. I liked math as a kid. Some people just think trig is cool in and of itself.

CODY

You liked trigonometry? Wha -- how -- I hate it. Everyone I know hates it.

UNCLE THOMAS

And it probably teaches you a little about how to think, or how to handle math in general --

CODY

No. And even if it did, why can’t I “learn how to think” while doing something that isn’t useless?

UNCLE THOMAS

Plus, it’s not like it ever goes out of date --

CODY

Why the hell are you taking trigonometry’s side?!

UNCLE THOMAS

Look.

Uncle Thomas takes a seat.

UNCLE THOMAS

You want to know what real uselessness is? The GVX-5 Time Tracking System.

CODY

I don’t know what that is.

UNCLE THOMAS

Of course you don’t. It’s possibly the worst piece of time-tracking software ever made. Its interface is non-intuitive, it’s got a hundred bugs you have to work around, it has nothing in common with any other software on the planet --

CODY

Why are you talking about this?

UNCLE THOMAS

Because my company put me on a project that uses that for its bureaucratic stuff, so I’ve spent the last week learning how it works. And! And, they’re phasing out the GVX-5 next month, so not only am I learning about a useless piece of software, but I’m learning about a useless piece of software I’m never going to use again.

CODY

Okay, that kind of sucks.

UNCLE THOMAS

And! And also, there’s, like, a 90% chance that the whole project will be scrapped.

CODY

Hmm. So this is what being old is like?

UNCLE THOMAS

(nodding)

All the time. You’re just mad because you expect school to be useful.

CODY

Hmm.

UNCLE THOMAS

Knowing how to use the GVX-5 system is the most useless thing in the world.

CODY

Well, no --

UNCLE THOMAS

What?

CODY

I mean, you’re getting paid, right? Plus it’s just you that’s putting up with it -- not, y’know, everybody who’s in my trig class. So it can’t be the most useless skill in the world.

UNCLE THOMAS

(nodding)

The most useless skill would have to be unpaid, and it would have to involve a lot of people, and it would have to be just soul-deadening torpor.

Beat.

UNCLE THOMAS & CODY

Farmville.

CODY

Yup, that wins.

UNCLE THOMAS

Joyless, pointless time vampire.

Beat.

UNCLE THOMAS

Well, I feel better about my day now.

CODY

But worse about life.

Uncle Thomas nods.

FADE OUT.