FADE IN:

INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

CHAUNCY (20s, nerdy, monotone) welcomes HIS DATE (20s, elegant, very attractive) to his table.

CHAUNCY

Wow. I think you’re really great.

HIS DATE

Awww!

CHAUNCY

And I’d like to tell you a little about my life --

HIS DATE

Okay.

CHAUNCY

-- and some of my theories.

His date’s a little creeped-out.

HIS DATE

Hmm.

INT. LUGGAGE STORE – DAY

Chauncy stands next to a display of luggage, beneath a large “The Luggage Store” logo.

He talks to a STORE EMPLOYEE.

CHAUNCY

In fact, putting luggage is like creating form for your whole life.

STORE EMPLOYEE

Yes, well --

CHAUNCY

And it, like, applies to the whole world --

STORE EMPLOYEE

Did you want to buy something?

CHAUNCY

The world, in all its mellifluous forms.

The employee looks puzzled.

INT./EXT. TAXI/TAXI STAND – DAY

At a taxi-pickup curb, Chauncy leans over the window of a taxicab. He has several bags from the store with him.

CHAUNCY

My whole life, taxis have been a big inspiration to me, and helped me get through unemployment, foot rashes, bad experiences in cyber rooms --

The taxi takes off.

CHAUNCY

Thanks for your time!

INT. AIRPORT GATE DESK – DAY

Chauncy talks to the GATE AGENT.

A long line of IMPATIENT CUSTOMERS wait behind Chauncy.

CHAUNCY

But nobody really gets your work as a gate agent the way that I do.

GATE AGENT

Sir, did you actually have a question?

CHAUNCY

Yeah, I’m getting to it. Now, my theory about air travel is that the air routes are like arteries, right?

INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK – DAY

Chauncy talks to the RECEPTIONIST at a hotel front desk.

A sign on the wall reads “Welcome Convention Guests!”

Again, several IMPATIENT CUSTOMERS wait behind Chauncy.

CHAUNCY

So my theory is that hotels, like, represent real life. Wouldn’t you say that’s true?

The receptionist looks back, puzzled.

INT. CONVENTION HALL – DAY

CLOSE ON a poster for the San Diego Comic Con.

CHAUNCY (V.O.)

(whispered)

I have a theory about fan conventions.

Chauncy sits among a few other FANS, whispering to the fan next to him.

A PAGE stands nearby.

In the background, we hear THE SPEAKER.

THE SPEAKER (O.S.)

And that’s why I haven’t worked with Vertigo since then. No bad blood, just I just found a better match with other companies. I think we have time for one more question.

The page looks around at Chauncy and the fans.

All this time, Chauncy is still whispering.

CHAUNCY

(whispered)

They are an Internet for ideas about --

The page points at Chauncy and interrupts --

PAGE

You!

The page gestures at an offscreen microphone.

PAGE

Go and ask your question.

Chauncy walks offscreen to the mic, overjoyed, while the other fans sulk.

CHAUNCY (O.S.)

Wow. I think you’re really great.

THE SPEAKER

Thanks.

CHAUNCY (O.S.)

And I’d like to tell you a little about my life --

THE SPEAKER

Um....

CHAUNCY (V.O.)

-- and some of my theories.

A SLOW FADE starts.

Superimpose TEXT: “Please, don’t be this guy. San Diego Comic Con 2010”

CHAUNCY (V.O.)

You see, nobody really gets your comics like I do, because of my life experiences --

THE SPEAKER

Wait, do you actually have a question?

CHAUNCY (V.O.)

Yeah, I’m getting to it.

FADE OUT.