Author: rporter

  • Odd Sporting Events Wrapup

    Not our best week ((I feel I’ve been saying that a lot lately.)) but I think the three sketches we’ve got this week are solid and funny.

    Next week, next week…it’s going to be a good one, I can feel it. What topic is it that inspires such confidence? What topic makes me think “funny”? Mother’s Day.

    If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

  • El Ocho Es Muy Caliente!

    [fountain]
    INT. TV STUDIO – DAY
    MEGAN THUNDER (20s, in miniskirt and halter top) and NICK STEELE (20s, in lycra shorts and Ed Hardy t-shirt) stand before a bank of monitors showing a variety of sports.

    NICK
    Yo, yo, yo! This. Is. The Ocho Report!

    Obnoxious flying graphics scored with too-loud music identify this as “The Ocho Report” on ESPN 8.

    CUT TO:
    Back to studio.
    (more…)

  • Radio Serials Wrapup

    Oops! Very late, sorry. I’ve had my nose buried in “Anathem” for the past few days, every moment I’m not working or sleeping, so I kinda let this slip. A bit. Again, sorry.

    Anyway…

    This week’s battle (normally I’d say next week there, you notice?) is Odd Sporting Events.

    If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

  • The Silver Stoat

    Oy. Out of the last three weeks, I’ve had big problems with two of our topics. I certainly hope things get better soon. This one…well, I think I’ve got the feel almost right, but other than a few chuckles spread throughout, I don’t think I really brought the funny.

    Y’all be the judges.

    [fountain]
    INT. RADIO STUDIO – NIGHT
    Fat ties and fedoras. Polka dots and pert curls. A haze of yellow smoke hovers near the ceiling of a large, soundproofed studio. PERFORMERS stand one or two to a mic, huge booms hanging from the ceiling emblazoned with the DUMONT logo, scripts in hand or on music stands. In the back of the room sits ORGANIST. Next to her, TWO FOLEY ARTISTS with their collection of sound effects.

    RODERICK BEAN (50s, balding, stooped in a too-large suit) shares a mic with BEA MORTIMER (20s and stunning in gold hair and yellow dress). He speaks with a rich baritone to match her sultry alto.

    (more…)

  • The Taxman Cometh Wrapup

    It looks like a few of our warriors got caught up having tea or standing in line at the Post Office this week. Either way, only three of us entered the ring. Fortunately (or un-, depending on your opinion) I stretched my entry into a four-part runner when I decided I hadn’t ended the first part strongly enough. So from three battlers: six sketches.

    I wish we’d seen a few more takes on the topic, but maybe talking about taxes the same week they were due was too much to bear. Next week we’ll be closing our eyes and increasing our consumption of Ovaltine as we roll out sketches on the theme of Old-Time Radio Serials. As a side note, we could use some more sketch topics, so if you’ve got something you’d like to see us tackle, leave it in a comment.

    If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

  • Magical Audits IV

    [fountain]
    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY
    LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN, in full green regalia, sits in the hotseat opposite Clark, who flips through a folder.

    CLARK
    It appears all your income for the past several years has been from speaking engagements?

    Lucky speaks at Brogue Factor 9.

    LUCKY
    Aye. It’s lucrative but keeps me on the road a fair bit o’ time.

    CLARK
    Right, right. All your associated travel deductions appear to be in order. How did you get into that line of work, if you don’t mind me asking?
    (more…)

  • Magical Audits III

    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY

    Clark sits opposite a sultry, voluptuous cougar decked out in a skimpy red top with faux fur trim.

    COUGAR

    (sings)

    My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like it’s better than yours. Damn right it’s better than yours, I can teach you but I have to charge--

    CLARK

    (flustered)

    --That’s fine, but I’d like to discuss this deduction you took in 2004 for business travel.

    COUGAR

    My husband needed to visit his suppliers.

    CLARK

    Yes, but then how do you justify these other deductions for maintaining your fleet of

    (rifling through papers)

    reindeer?

    The Cougar, now obviously Mrs. Clause, unbuttons the top of her tight blouse and leans forward.

    MRS. CLAUSE

    Would you like some of my special Christmas cookies?

    BLACKOUT:

  • Magical Audits II

    Ken, and my weak ending on Part 1, inspired me to turn this into a runner. We’ll see how this goes.

    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY

    Clark sits, fingers bridged and at full attention. We can’t see whom he’s listening to.

    CITIZEN (O.S.)

    ...and that’s why I was late filing in Oh-three. Now in Oh-four--

    CLARK

    --Alright, let me cut you off right there. You’ve got a lot of excuses, but tell me this

    (Beat)

    why didn’t you just file for extensions?

    Camera pans to reveal EASTER BUNNY. He holds up his paws.

    EASTER BUNNY

    Do you see opposable thumbs on these things?!?

    BLACKOUT:

  • Magical Audits

    I think I started pretty strong, built nicely to a really cool visual, and then petered out. Oh well. Enjoy the laughs it provides and dream of a better ending.

    [fountain]
    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY
    CLARK FRENELL (40s, gray suit, his picture is next to “ectomorph” in the dictionary) stands a respectful distance behind DEATH, hand on the doorknob to leave.

    CLARK
    …then I’ll expect you back here, with those receipts, Tuesday morning.

    DEATH
    I told you, I’m not sure I know where they all are.

    CLARK
    That might be a problem, Mister Death. The United States government doesn’t look kindly on tax cheats.

    Death spins his head around 180 degrees to face Clark.
    (more…)

  • I don’t like improv.

    There. I’ve said it. Feels good to get that off my chest after all these years. All these years of pretending to be a fan, of making excuses for why I can’t make someone’s improv show, of feigning interest in watching people exercise.

    Look, I’ve done my share of improv. It’s important to any actor honing his craft to learn to be agile and quick-witted on stage. You never know when someone’s going to go off book. Hell, it might be you, losing your place and forgetting your lines. Though I haven’t trod boards for years, I’m still blasted awake by the actor’s nightmare once or twice a year: it’s my cue to go on and I have not idea what play we’re doing or what my lines are.

    Improv can save you. Once, my fellow actors and I – *six* of us – all simultaneously forgot our place in a party scene. I have no idea how or why, but we knew our characters and were able to vamp our way back to solid ground. And it can do much more. It can teach you how to quickly establish character and setting to an audience. To the non-Method amongst us, that can be important.

    So if improv is useful to learn, important to practice, and can save your ass on stage, why don’t I like it?

    Well, doing squats is essential to a point guard but I’m not going to pay money to watch Steve Nash do a lower body workout for two hours. Improv’s the same to me: a series of exercises that improve one’s ability to perform. They’re part of the road, not the destination.

    So, no. Unless I’m thinking about casting you in something, we’re very close, or I owe you, I’m not going to your improv show.

    [poll id=”5″]