Sketch War

Author: rporter

  • Silent Scene Wrapup

    Sorry. That’s all I’ve got to say about this past week’s topic. We tried, I swear.

    Really, we’re all sorry. But the next battle…that should be…oh hell. It’ll be better than silent even if it’s not good. I promise that. This week: The Taxman Cometh.

    If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

    Since we haven’t been getting many votes on the polls (and since this battle was so painful,) I’m not putting up a poll this week. Let me know in comments if I should bother to bring that back next week and if y’all plan on voting. What’s truly sad is we weren’t even getting a vote from every *competitor*. That’s not a good sign.

  • Prank Warfare

    Good grief. I think this topic is Peter’s fault. Ugh. So sorry.

    I hope y’all find it funnier to read than I did to write. But I seriously doubt it.

    [fountain]
    INT. KINDERGARTEN – DAY
    YOUNG DAVID looks up from gluing macaroni to construction paper, interrupted by YOUNG EMILY’S ponytail sweeping across his desk. He brushes it aside once and she spins around, glaring. Then she smiles.
    (more…)

  • CSI: Anywhere Wrapup

    Damn Horatio Caine and his concern about cataracts!

    Depending on how you want to count Ken’s brilliant four-part runner, this was either a banner week for us with eight sketches, or an average week with five. I think for voting and wrapup purposes we’ll call it five.

    So what did the sketch warriors bring to this weeks topic?

    Next week’s topic should provide an interesting challenge to our loquacious band of warrirors: Silent Scenes.

    If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

    [poll id=”4″]

  • CSI: Anywhere

    Just as last week’s topic was a bit of foreign territory for some of the warriors, this week’s topic is a mystery to me. The sum of my knowledge of the CSI family of shows comes from the “Endless Caruso One Liners” video. However, far be it from me to fake what I don’t know.

    With this topic, I figured the key was location, location, location. Hope you enjoy.

    [fountain]
    EXT. ESTABLISHING URBAN BROWNSTONE – DAY
    A prewar neighborhood in slight disrepair, but holding it together. Police cars on the street. Sidewalks barricaded.
    (more…)

  • March Madness Wrapup

    Whoops! Not only did this week’s topic bring us our fewest sketches in several weeks, but…um…this was not our best week. And that’s, o-kay. There were a few chuckles though, so let’s get to them.

    Next week’s topic is CSI: Anywhere. Expect a lot of sunglasses and oneliners. And don’t forget to vote on your favorite sketch from this week.

    [poll id=”3″]

  • This is March

    Ugh. I picked this week’s topic and could NOT be more irritated with myself. March Madness is a time of rejoicing over upsets and crying over busted brackets, not trying to put write sketch comedy! I’m a maroon. Oh well. This one’s…well…not very funny, but it’ll do I guess. Y’all be the judges.

    [fountain]

    INT. BASKETBALL ARENA – DAY
    Tight on BILL RAFTERY and VERNE LUNDQUIST wearing headsets.
    (more…)

  • SNL Character Wrapup

    I hope you all enjoyed following along this week as much as we enjoyed bringing these characters to life. In some ways, this was a really tough prompt, but I think everyone managed to bring their A game this week.

    Nine sketches (thanks to a double bonus from Ken whose initial trepidation hid a torrent of creativity) and not a single Hans und Franz amongst them. Thank god.

    We hit most of the eras of SNL: the classic ’70s, the Billy Crystal years, the Phil Hartman years, and even today. I’m very impressed by the breadth brought to bear this week.

    Oh, and here’s something new…an opportunity for everyone to vote on their favorite sketches this week. That’s courage, I tell ya. Our readership isn’t so high that these numbers are going to be so big, but still we’ll try it out. Let us know if you like or dislike the poll.

    [poll id=”2″]

    Next week, our brave combatants will tackle: March Madness. If you want a look ahead, be sure to check out our Schedule here on Sketch War.

    And remember, if you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

  • Continental Sensitivity

    E.L. Raica comes at us with another sketch this week – impressive because apparently she’s been under the weather the past few days with some, uh, alimentary distress. So be sure to leave a nice comment, or a recipe for your grandmother’s remedy. Either one will do, I’m sure.

    I think she’s really captured Walken here.

    (more…)

  • Time Travel Wrapup

    Oy. I’m getting worse, not better! This time, four sketches have been posted before I got around to the wrapup for last week. I think I need to be a bit more proactive about these!

    Seven sketches and one not-a-sketch from Dave rounded out last week’s battle.

    Next week our brave sketch warriors will be back writing sketches for SNL Characters. (Of course when I say “next week”, I mean right now. Check them out. There’s some good opening salvos.)

    And remember, if you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

  • Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley

    This one came to me almost immediately. I’m just thrilled no one beat me to the punch on this pairing. I would pay good money to see this sketch.

    [fountain]
    Opening montage. Stills of Stuart Smalley float across the sky. End on gorgeous sunset.

    STUART (V.O.)
    I deserve good things. I am entitled to my share of happiness. I refuse to beat myself up. I am an attractive person. I am fun to be with.

    ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
    “Daily Affirmation with Stuart Smalley”. Stuart Smalley is a caring nurturer, a member of several 12-step programs, but not a licensed therapist.
    (more…)