Ire with a Muffin


A few days ago, unsatisfied with sketch #1 (Girth), I wrote sketch #2 (Muffin). I liked sketch #2. However, in a whirlwind of insecurity, I decided to post the first sketch thinking that the first idea is always better. But then I reread the first sketch after I posted it and thought “what the hell is this crap?” Quickly, a whirlwind of insecurity set in about sketch #1. So, I decided to cancel out the insecurities and just put the second one up too. Yes, a friggin lunatic am I.

INT. LOCAL CAFE – DAY

Surrounded by dozens of other PATRONS, MICHELLE and BEN, a thirty-something couple, sit at a small table in a local cafe. Michelle takes a sip of her water and stares at Ben who is looking at the clock on the wall.

Michelle touches Ben on the hand who refocuses his attention on her. As he opens his mouth to say something, the SERVER walks up to the table.

Caught off-guard, Ben motions for the server to come back. He frantically looks around for his MENU which he doesn’t see is sitting on the table right in front of him.

Michelle leans forward, grabs the MENU, and holds it out to him.

Ignoring Michelle completely, Ben leans over and grabs a MENU off of the next table.

Disappointed, Michelle quietly puts the MENU down in front of her.

The server returns. Looking over his shoulder, the server observes as Ben points to the menu. The server finishes writing down Ben’s order and then looks over at Michelle.

Michelle picks up her menu and attempts to place her order. But before she can speak, the server rips the menu out of her hands and walks away.

Dumbfounded, Michelle looks over at Ben only to see Ben staring at the clock again. Michelle moves to touch Ben when all of a sudden Ben jumps.

Ben looks around the table for his PLACE SETTING which he doesn’t see is sitting in front of him. He picks up the menus, moves the water glasses and napkins, and picks up the ketchup bottle. He looks under the table.

Michelle looks down at the table and delicately picks up the PLACE SETTING. Waiting for Ben to come back up, she holds it out toward him.

Ben sits up and looks around. Ignoring Michelle completely, he leans over and grabs a PLACE SETTING off of the next table.

Frustrated, Michelle lets the PLACE SETTING drop out of her hand.

The server returns with Ben’s food and places it on the table. Ben starts to eat.

Michelle raises her hand to get the server’s attention but the server walks right past her.

Michelle sighs with discouragement and leans on the table. She looks at Ben who is intensely focused on his food.

Michelle then eyes the relatively large blueberry MUFFIN sitting on a little plate in front of Ben. She leans over and carefully but quietly slides the muffin plate toward her.

Without hesitation, and without looking at her, Ben grabs the plate and slides the muffin back toward him.

Slightly offended, Michelle gruffly pulls the muffin back over to her. As she prepares to grab it, without looking up, Ben rips the plate away from Michelle and pulls it back toward him.

Exhausted, Michelle abruptly stands up, pushing the chair back from the table.

With an open palm, she slams her hand down on the table effectively crushing the muffin. Little muffin pieces scatter all over the table and floor.

Ben stops in mid chew and looks up at Michelle who stares at him with ire.

Ben stares back at her without emotion. Looking directly at her, his picks up what is left of the muffin and shows it to her. Pausing for a second, he then shoves the entire thing in this mouth and smiles. He begins laughing and taunting Michelle.

Mid taunt, Ben suddenly starts choking on the muffin. He looks around for his water only to see Michelle holding the WATER GLASS.

Michelle looks directly at Ben and dumps the water out on in his lap. She slams the glass down on the table and walks out of the cafe.

Ben, still choking on his muffin, signals for the server. The server comes over with a PITCHER OF WATER.

Relieved, Ben points to his empty glass. The server instead puts the check in his hand and walks away leaving Ben dumbfounded with a mouthful of muffin.

BLACKOUT: