I wrote these as a series of short radio plays for a station in Champaign-Urbana back in 1997. I’ve done very little editing beyond formatting, so please indulge the meanderings of a 23-year-old.
Episode One
(A few bars of creepy music played on an old dusty organ.)
NARRATOR
Turn down the lights and lock the doors, gentle listeners. It’s time for another episode of… Boring Science Fiction Theatre!
(Burst of thunder…)
This week’s episode… The Ghost Fork!
(Music fades out, replaced by background noise of a classy restaurant, with a brewing storm beneath.)
We introduce Helen Williams, dining with her husband in an ancient and prestigious four star restaurant… Little does she realize she’s on a dinner date… with the unknown!
FRANK
Mmm! This lobster is absolutely delicious! This sure is a classy restaurant, Helen!
HELEN
It certainly is, Frank! Not at all what you’d expect to find in this desolate little town! Not only is my filet mignon superb, but it’s made all the more luxurious by the elegant silverware with which I’m eating it! Just look at this fork!
FRANK
Wow, it sure is a beauty, Helen! Funny, I was not given such ornate silverware… I wonder…
(Mild rumble of thunder)
HELEN
Oh, Frank, it’s probably just a special extra that comes with the filet mignon. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.
(Another rumble of thunder, stronger)
FRANK
Well, one thing I am worried about is that storm. We’d better get a move on before it gets any worse.
(A WAITER enters)
WAITER
I see you’re almost done. How was everything?
HELEN
Wonderful, thank you!
WAITER
Would you care for any dessert?
FRANK
No, we’d better get going-
HELEN
(interrupting)
I’d love some! What do you have?
WAITER
I’ll be right back with the dessert tray.
FRANK
(whispering, as WAITER exits)
Helen, we really should get going! The storm is getting worse!
HELEN
Oh, Frank, you mustn’t worry so! I’m sure everything will be-
(Thunderclap. HELEN gasps)
The lights! I can’t see!
FRANK
It’s just a power failure, honey! Everything’s okay!
HELEN
Frank, hold my hand!
(A few moments of storm)
FRANK
They’re back on.
HELEN
(sigh of relief)
Thank goodness… For a moment I felt-
WAITER
(returning)
I’m sorry about the blackout, folks. Everything’s under control now. Here are our dessert selections.
HELEN
Oh, this looks delicious. Perhaps I’ll – Oh… But where’s…
FRANK
Is something the matter, dear?
HELEN
I seem to have lost my fork.
WAITER
What fork would that be, madam?
HELEN
Well, it was a very elegant fork… Long, pure silver, and decorated with a lovely criss-cross design down the-
(Clatter as the WAITER drops the dessert tray)
FRANK
Oh! Are you all right?
HELEN
You’ve dropped your tray!
FRANK
You look pale…
HELEN
And you’re shaking! What’s the matter?
WAITER
That… That fork… It was stolen from this restaurant five years ago! In fact… Five years ago today!
(Creepy organ music bursts in. NARRATOR speaks over it)
NARRATOR
Be sure to tune in for next week’s horrifying episode… The Zombie Moths!
(Organ music fades)
WOMAN
Exterminator, were you able to get rid of the moths in our basement?
EXTERMINATOR
You won’t get rid of those moths, ma’am. Not without enlisting the help of a priest. Turns out your house is built on an old moth burial ground.
(Organ music flourish and out.)