Boring Science Fiction Theatre, Episode 2


Here’s part 2. I actually got to do these in front of an audience for a live taping. I was the SFX guy, which was boatloads of fun.

Episode Two

(Into music, as before)

NARRATOR
Turn down the lights and lock the doors, gentle listeners. It’s time for another episode of… Boring Science Fiction Theatre!
(Burst of thunder…)
This week’s episode… The Curséd Necklace!
(Music fades out, replaced by sounds of an outdoor marketplace.)
We introduce Charles Montgomery, browsing for knick-knacks in the many booths at a local community flea market. Little does he realize he’s about to make a bargain… with the unknown!

(The clatter of boxes of trinkets being picked through.)

CHARLES
Excuse me, Old Gypsy Woman?

GYPSY
Yes sir?

CHARLES
How much for this book of ancient spells?

GYPSY
Two dollars, sir.

CHARLES
(muttering to self)
Hm… Too expensive.
(picks through a bit more)
How much for this monkey’s paw?

GYPSY
One dollar and fifty cents, sir.

CHARLES
Nah.
(picks though a bit more)
Say… This is nice!

GYPSY
(sinisterly)
I urge you to be very careful with that necklace you are holding, mister. Very, very careful…

CHARLES
What beautiful stones! And this chain looks like real gold!

GYPSY
I assure you, mister, it is indeed real gold.

CHARLES
How much?

GYPSY
I don’t think you want that necklace, sir.

CHARLES
Come on, how much is it?

GYPSY
Thirty-five cents. But I really must warn you-

CHARLES
Thirty-five cents! Why so cheap?

GYPSY
Some say this necklace carries with it a horrible, ancient curse!

(organ chord)

CHARLES
(amused)
A curse, huh? What kind of curse?

GYPSY
It is said that whomsoever owns that necklace will be cursed with thirty seconds of bad luck!

CHARLES
Well, it just so happens I don’t believe in curses, lady. Here’s your thirty-five cents…
(clink, clink)
…and I’m taking the necklace!

GYPSY
Very well. You have been warned.

(organ chord)

CHARLES
Well, I’d better get back home. The basketball game will be on soon.

(A few footsteps on gravel, and when they stop…)

OLD GUY
Can I help ya, mister?

CHARLES
I’d like a ticket on the 2:10 bus into town please.

OLD GUY
‘Fraid you just missed it.

CHARLES
(perturbed)
Nonsense! It’s only…
(panicked)
Oh no! My watch has stopped! The batteries must have run out!

(organ chord)

OLD GUY
Next bus won’t be along for another twenty minutes.

CHARLES
You mean I’m stranded here? Until 2:30?? I’ll miss the first ten minutes of the basketball game!

(organ chord)

OLD GUY
Sorry, fella.

CHARLES
Oh no… Well, I may as well get a Diet Pepsi while I pass the time…
(A few footsteps. The clink of two or three coins into a vending machine. A pregnant pause.)
Oh, no!!
(organ chord)
“Diet Pepsi Sold Out”?? I’ll have to settle for a Dr Pepper!
(A vending machine button pressed, the clunk of a can emerging from the machine and being removed by CHARLES. The “kshkt” noise of the pop-top being opened. Then CHARLES’s cry of agony.)
Argh!
(organ chord)
The Dr Pepper was so disturbed in its journey through the insides of the machine that a few drops spilled out onto my pant leg!
(Wailing)
The old Gypsy woman was right!!!

(MAUD, a young WOMAN, approaches)

MAUD
Excuse me… Where did you get that lovely necklace?

CHARLES
(harried)
Here, take it! Take it! Release me from its hideous spell!

(The clink of the necklace being handed to MAUD, followed by CHARLES’s footsteps running away.)

MAUD
This is lovely… And it looks like real gold… Oh! My nail… It’s broken!!!

(Creepy organ music bursts in. NARRATOR speaks over it.)

NARRATOR
Be sure to tune in for nest week’s horrifying episode… The Werefish!

(Music fades)

KEVIN
Doctor, have you found any explanation for the scales I keep finding on my pillow and my strange cravings for plankton?

DR. JUDITH ALBRIGHT
Mr. Brumm, I’m afraid that when the moon is full, you become an enormous fish, writhing in your bed and gasping for air until morning. I have to kill you with this silver hook.

(Organ music flourish and out)