Okay. This week’s topic is job hunting. Nice and straightforward in honor of my upcoming job switch. And *clearly* we can avoid politics tonight.Michael’s got the call for next week, so don’t forget to read his submission when he posts it to find out what next week’s topic is. And of course, because his and Ken’s will be funny as hell.If you want to play along with us, email a link to your entry to sketchwar at dreamloom.com.Morton’s Executive Search
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
JANET, 30s slender and no-nonsense, enters and strides to the head of the table. She joins GARETH, 40s and tweedy, and EMILY, 20s and achingly hip.
JANET
Sorry I’m late. Dick’s sister and kids are visiting. The baby cried half the night. What’s on the agenda today?
GARETH
First up is a new position. I got the call right before coming in here. G.O. is in the market for a new CEO. This could be really big for us.
JANET
You’re not kidding. Commission on that could run high six figures. Who’ve we got in the stable?
EMILY
(Shuffles a few files and reads from the first)
We’ve got a Columbia grad, Harvard Law, former state legislator and a few years in the Senate. He’s really good in front of crowds. He’d be great calming the stockholders.
JANET
(Aghast)
You’re kidding me, right? This isn’t your local coffee house looking for a part-time manager for Poetry Slam Saturdays. This is one of the biggest companies in the world. Who else have we got.
Emily is chastened. Gareth grabs a file from her stack and reads.
GARETH
Alright. Someone a bit older and more seasoned. We’ve got an Annapolis grad, four-term Senator–
JANET
–Please! Again, let me remind you people. We’re hiring for a Cee Eee Oh! Give me someone with some executive experience.
EMILY
Okay, I’ve got one. Two-term mayor of a small town, governor–
JANET
–Alright. Is that all you’ve got? Come on. G.O., people. G.O. is synonymous with high tech. They started Silicon Valley in their garage. Emily. When I say G.O., what do you think of?
EMILY
Well, I guess big-ticket high tech.
JANET
Exactly. And we need a CEO who under–
GARETH
–We don’t.
JANET
We don’t what?
GARETH
They told me they’re looking to change. They want to get out of the large-margin business and move into consumer electronics. More sales through Wal-Mart than to Wal-Mart.
JANET
So they’re looking for someone to get them out of selling to big business and into the bargain bins. I’ve got the perfect candidate. Checks off all the boxes. She’ll swoop in – and earn us a pretty signing commission – change the corporate culture, and be out the door in five years with millions. Gareth, put together the standard golden chute package.
(Beat)
Alright, what’s up next?
EMILY
Huh. Interestingly enough, I’ve got a coffee shop looking for a part-time manager.
JANET
Alright Mr. Harvard Law, that’s you. What else?
GARETH
Kruger Industrial Smoothing needs a new senior sales rep. But I think I’ve got that one covered.
EMILY
The Lions have an opening for a GM. I think I’ve got a guy for that. He’s got experience, and we can bring in him for high dollars; he’s making a lot at his current job.
JANET
Is he going to be interested in moving on?
EMILY
He’s got strong ties to the Detroit area, and apparently is in quite a rush to get out of New York. He’s something of a
(air quotes)
“bad boy”, but they love him in Motor City.
JANET
And he knows football?
EMILY
Not exactly, but he knows sports. And he’s used to the pressure of being a GM.
GARETH
We should move quickly on this. Before–
JANET
–Before Detroit knows what hit ’em.
BLACKOUT