INT. OFFICE OF KIM JONG IL – NORTH KOREA – DAY

Psychedelic SITAR MUSIC plays in the background as RAIN RIVER SUNSHINE-GRASS, a hippie dressed in traditional hippie garb (tie dye shirt, beads, fringe vest, Birkenstocks, long hair and beard, etc.) sits with KIM JONG IL and his INTERPRETER on the couch.

Surrounding them are about twenty PEOPLE engaged in bacchanalia. Some are getting down with orgies, others are circle-toking or dropping acid, while others are dancing with themselves lost in a euphoric state.

INTERPRETER

I’m sorry, Mr. Rain River Sunshine-Grass. We appreciate your efforts to... (sneering) entertain us... but we will not be dismantling our nuclear program anytime soon nor do we plan to, as you put it, comply with the comprehensive test-ban treaty. You have come a long way for nothing.

RAIN

Just hear me out here, okay. It’s like this Mr. Kim. I know that you’re trying to do your own thing here and be your own country and all of that. That’s cool. I completely dig that as I, myself, have my own issues with “the man.”

Interpreter interprets Rain’s statement in Korean to Kim. Kim stares blankly at Rain.

RAIN

But seriously, daddy. It’s not cool to go ’round blowin’ off nukes and then threatening the rest of the world with military action for imposing sanctions against you for something you did. It’s a real drag, and its gettin’ people wigged out. That’s why you gotta sign the treaty.

Rain hands the TREATY to Kim.

Interpreter interprets to Kim. Kim looks at the treaty and then throws it on the table.

KIM

[speaking in Korean]

SUBTITLE – KIM: “Goddamn American pig.”

INTERPRETER

(speaking tentatively)

He says he does not understand. Why should we sign the treaty when the United States does not, and will not, disband its own nuclear weapons program?

RAIN

Mr. Kim. (singing) Mr. Kim. Dude, I know you can speak English. How ’bout we ditch this clyde here and hammer out an agreement over a couple of drinks. Some Yakju? Right on?

INTERPRETER

(robotically)

I’m sorry, you are mistaken. Supreme Commander is not fluent in English nor has he ever been. Supreme Commander rebukes and reviles all forms of Western culture.

RAIN

Well, that’s not what Wikipedia said, man. (ponders for a moment) Anyway, it’s like this. Like, the United States’ needs the nukes, see...

INTERPRETER

Please, please, please. We have heard this all before.

Kim leans over to Interpreter.

KIM

[speaking in Korean]

SUBTITLE – KIM: “I want to rip his head off and feed it to my dogs.”

Kim laughs and then motions to Interpreter to tell Rain what he just said. Interpreter looks at Kim strangely and hesitates.

INTERPRETER

To be honest, Mr. Sunshine-Grass, it is our opinion that the United States, as well as the rest of the Western world, poses an extreme threat to our country. And, as opposed to what you may think, what we are doing here is protecting ourselves.

RAIN

(obviously stoned)

See, man, now you’re bumming me out. You just don’t get it do you. In the end... after you nuke your friends, family, and loved ones... your dog... your cat... Aunt Yang-gae...

Kim and Interpreter stare at Rain, confused.

RAIN (CONT’D)

Sure, you’ll have a big piece of land and the world at your disposal. And yeah, maybe you can start your own political revolution and have your plastic pantomime parties dancing in the quagmire of your own freaky, crazy amusement park which you aptly call Kim Jong Il Land. And that’s all cool.

Interpreter interprets to Kim. Interpreter and Kim ogle Rain, oddly.

RAIN

But, I tell you what. You blow everyone away, you just become one of them, man. One of the squares. Just another member of the establishment.

Interpreter interprets to Kim. Both look at each other confused.

RAIN

I’ll tell you a little secret man. Come here.

Rain motions to Kim who leans forward.

RAIN

All you need is love, man. All you need is love. That’s what going to protect us all, in the end. That’s it.

Rain leans back with intense mellowness.

Interpreter interprets to Kim.

KIM

[speaking in Korean]

SUBTITLE – KIM: “Is he out of his mind?”

INTERPRETER

Supreme Commander would like to know what is wrong with you.

RAIN

The same thing that’s gonna be wrong with you in about five minutes, man.

INTERPRETER

What do you mean?

Rain hands a plate of Korean cookies to Kim.

RAIN

More of my special Yakgwa?

Rain laughs hysterically. Kim and Interpreter gaze back at Rain baffled.

RAIN

You’ll be signing that treaty in no time.

Rain continues to laugh.

Kim holds a hand up to his face and wiggles his fingers in awe.

KIM

(suddenly mellow; speaking in English)

Right on.

Enchanted by his own fingers, Kim picks up another cookie. Interpreter slaps the cookie away.