FADE IN: 

INT. WITCHES’ CELLAR – NIGHT

A roaring fireplace illuminates a small-but-comfy medieval cellar with tapestries on the walls, odd bits of magical equipment, and piles of books.

WYNDA (a witch) reads from a book clearly labeled “PROPHECIES”, while AILEANA and SKYE (also witches) listen.

WYNDA

... and Macduff comes out with Macbeth’s severed head, and then there’s a big party.

She snaps the book shut.

WYNDA

So. That’s what’s going to happen. How much of this prophesy do we tell Macbeth?

AILEANA

Everything.

WYNDA

Aileana --

AILEANA

Wynda, this is what witches do. And it’s the most thorough foretelling we’ve gotten.

WYNDA

You’ll just walk up to him and say, “You’re gonna die!”?

AILEANA

Yeah, except it’ll be more like, “You’re gonna die! How you like that, bitch?!”

WYNDA

No. We do that, Macbeth kills us.

AILEANA

“You’re gonna die, your wife is gonna die --”

WYNDA

Ailey --

SKYE

Did you say Lady Macbeth dies?

Wynda thumbs through the book.

WYNDA

Yeah, that was --

SKYE

So technically, for a while, he’ll be single?

AILEANA

Skye --

SKYE

I think we should only tell Macbeth the good parts. I think that would make him happy.

WYNDA

I just don’t want to die.

AILEANA

Wynda, a detailed prediction like this would get us so much respect in the witching community. We know Macbeth kills Banquo, we know he has Macduff’s family killed --

SKYE

I don’t want us to say bad things about dear sweet Mackie.

AILEANA

He’s not sweet. He’s a murderer.

WYNDA

He will be a murderer.

AILEANA

Whatever.

SKYE

Anyway, we ought to warn dear sweet Mackie about what might happen.

WYNDA

Skye, it’s already going to happen.

AILEANA

Remember when you tried to warn Lear about the kingdom-splitting?

SKYE

Yes.

AILEANA

-- and we almost got burned at the stake?

SKYE

But dear sweet Mackie wouldn’t do that!

WYNDA

Actually, a warning might make sense.

AILEANA

Macbeth won’t listen!

WYNDA

I know, I know, hear me out. We offer Macbeth some cryptic warning.

AILEANA

Then Macbeth dismisses it and does what’s in the book.

WYNDA

I know -- but then the warning comes true, right?

AILEANA

Oh, right -- can we come to Dunsinane then and be all, “TOLDJA!”

WYNDA

Do what you want -- I don’t want to be around when the head-chopping starts.

SKYE

Can we include a prophecy about how Lady Macbeth is no good for him, and he needs a girl who really appreciates him?

WYNDA

No, Skye.

AILEANA

Maybe I could glamor myself to look like a footsoldier.

WYNDA

My point is, it looks like we were trying to help. The other witches are impressed, the thanes think we’re useful --

AILEANA

Let’s suck up to politicians!

WYNDA

Is it wrong to think about our business plan?

AILEANA

Fine.

WYNDA

We’ll see him after the battle. Chant about the Thane of Cawdor thing. Eventually give him a few cryptic warnings.

AILEANA

And then punch him in the face?

WYNDA

And then leave. And then go back to siphoning money from gambling houses. Good?

Aileana and Skye mutter their agreement.

The witches gather up bits of equipment, and prepare to leave.

SKYE

Must we chant?

WYNDA

It’s part of the brand identity, Skye.

SKYE

I have a poem we could use.

AILEANA

Oh?

SKYE

“Double, double, toil and trouble / May I touch your manly stubble? / Then I’ll kiss your --”

As they exit --

AILEANA

Oh god.

WYNDA

Maybe the first line, Skye.

SKYE

Yay!

FADE OUT.