FADE IN: 

INT. COUNSELLOR’S OFFICE – DAY

KYLE (17) sits on one side of a cheap desk in a small office.

The COUNSELLOR (35) sits on the other, thumbing through some papers.

COUNSELLOR

You’ve got solid grades across the board in your first semester.

KYLE

Great!

COUNSELLOR

But you still have to declare a major by the end of today.

KYLE

But I have no idea what to major in.

The counsellor hands over a sheet of paper.

COUNSELLOR

Here’s the list.

Kyle glances it over.

KYLE

Maybe engineering?

COUNSELLOR

Well, that’ll put you in with a few people who love building stuff --

KYLE

Great!

COUNSELLOR

-- and then a lot of kids who’ve basically given up on life and have resolved to just accumulate money.

KYLE

Oh. Well, I could study computers --

The counsellor pulls a spray bottle from his desk, sprays it into the air.

Kyle winces.

KYLE

Smells like... body odor and stale Hot Pockets.

COUNSELLOR

That’s what all the computer lab smells like.

KYLE

Ew. So I’d have to put up with that until I graduate?

COUNSELLOR

Until you retire, actually. And -- I dunno if you like women, but --

KYLE

There’s a gender ratio in comp. sci., isn’t there?

COUNSELLOR

(nods)

Think “Fire Island in the late 70s.”

KYLE

Well, I could study one of the basic sciences -- maybe biology, or --

COUNSELLOR

Those are mostly pre-meds.

KYLE

That’s bad?

COUNSELLOR

Most of them are soulless grade-grubbers who spend every waking moment to satisfy their parents’ clichéd ambitions for them. But there are a few kids who want to be scientists.

KYLE

Those are better?

COUNSELLOR

They’re a bit like monks, only drunker.

KYLE

Liberal arts, then?

COUNSELLOR

It can’t be beat as far as the company goes. Sure, you’ll wind up unemployable, but you’ll spend four years hanging out with interesting people.

KYLE

But I’d like to prepare for a job --

COUNSELLOR

Kyle, unemployment’s at 10%. You’ll be flipping burgers, at best, no matter what. It frankly doesn’t matter what useless degree you pick up here. Follow your bliss.

KYLE

Oh. So, maybe theater?

A pause.

Kyle laughs. The counsellor joins him.

KYLE

Kidding!

COUNSELLOR

Whew. Yeah. A theater degree implies that you can’t be trusted with technology, money, or sharp objects. Any other degree should be fine.

KYLE

Could I double major in English and biology?

COUNSELLOR

The course load would be crazy and you’d have no life.

KYLE

I have no life now!

COUNSELLOR

Looks like we’ve got a deal!

Handshake.

Freeze-frame.

FADE OUT.