Next Month, It’ll Be Dragons


Here’s my take on the “Air Travel” edition of Sketchwar.

FADE IN: 

INT. AIRLINER CABIN – DAY

ANGIE (30s) sits next to an empty aisle seat. A large bag sits at her feet.

On the other side of her, RYAN (8) sits in the window seat. A small bag sits at his feet.

RYAN

Mom, I’m bored!

ANGIE

Do you want a movie?

She pulls a portable DVD player out of her bag.

ANGIE

There’s Nemo, and there’s Shrek, and --

RYAN

I wanna watch The Hurt Locker!

ANGIE

What?

RYAN

Aunt Katherine let me watch it, and it was awesome, and they’re all trying to stop these bombs from going BOOM!

ANGIE

We don’t say “BOOM!” on the plane, Ryan.

RYAN

And then one of the bombs, it blew up, and it made --

Angie points out the window.

ANGIE

Hey, Ryan, look at that cloud! That one looks like a bird! And that one looks like a ball. What does that one look like?

RYAN

The compression wave of a shaped C4 detonation!

ANGIE

Oh god.

RYAN

That other cloud is all crazy, like an IED, or a --

ANGIE

Let’s play with your toys, okay, Ryan?

Ryan digs through his bag.

He retrieves a plastic dinosaur.

He retrieves another plastic dinosaur.

An ATTENDANT pushes a cart past them, distracting Angie as --

Ryan retrieves his favorite toy: a big rectangular chunk of Play-Doh, with little multicolored “wires” of yarn stuck into it, and a watch clumsily embedded in the top.

ANGIE

And look, we’ll land in ju-- oh my god!

RYAN

I made it by myself out of Play-doh! and yarn!

ANGIE

How did you get that past security?

Ryan studies the toy bomb carefully.

RYAN

Sergeant James has to stop the bomb before the clock hits zero seconds.

He prepares to remove one of the ‘wires’.

Angie nabs the toy and puts it in the bag.

RYAN

Aw, MOM!

ANGIE

Let’s put that back and play with your dinosaurs, okay?

Just as she puts it away, the attendant comes by.

ATTENDANT

Would you like anything to drink?

RYAN

(to the attendant)

Did you know that Composition C has a detonation rate of twenty-six thousand feet per second?

ATTENDANT

Aw, really? What’s a composition C?

ANGIE

It’s nothing, really. We’ll all have orange juice.

ATTENDANT

Be back in a minute. Ooh!

At that moment, DYLAN (10) scoots by her and takes the aisle seat.

RYAN

Dylan! I was telling Mom about Hurt Locker!

DYLAN

Bombs are lame.

RYAN

Oh.

DYLAN

And Hurt Locker wasn’t as cool as Scarface.

ANGIE

What?

RYAN

Oh, yeah!

Dylan takes a dinosaur.

DYLAN

(as dinosaur)

“I’ve got three kilos to get to L. A.”

Ryan picks up a dinosaur.

The attendant returns with the drinks.

RYAN

(as dinosaur)

“Give me the heroin! I’ll drive it right by the cops!”

The attendant hears this, and looks at the three of them, alarmed.

ANGIE

Can I get something with alcohol?

FADE OUT.