FADE IN: 

INT. CHILD’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

SAM (8) lies in bed in a darkened bedroom, across from an ominous-looking closet door.

He sits upright.

SAM

Mom!

Mom enters.

MOM

What is it, Sam?

SAM

I’m scared!

MOM

Scared of what?

He points at the closet door.

SAM

Monsters.

MOM

Monsters?

SAM

(whispered)

Grammar Nazis!

MOM

Sam, there’s no such thing --

SAM

The teacher told us about them at school!

MOM

They’re not real --

SAM

They’re really scary!

MOM

Are we really going over this again? It’s just a figure of speech, Sam. There’s no such thing as Grammar Nazis, just like there was no such thing as Fashion Police last week.

Sam sniffles.

SAM

I’m sorry.

MOM

Aw. Look, if they were real, they wouldn’t mess around with us. Because there’s no way they’re tougher than me. Okay?

SAM

Okay.

MOM

You’re alright?

Sam nods.

She gives him a kiss and exits.

Beat.

Then, voices from the closet.

NAZI #1 (O.S.)

Zat should hev been ‘tougher zen I am.’

NAZI #2 (O.S.)

Ja. Definite predicate nominative.

NAZI #1 (O.S.)

Still, perhaps ve shouldn’t take her aveh to the re-education camp.

NAZI #2 (O.S.)

Nein! Zis it vat ve do to whomever transgresses against ze rules of grammar!

SAM

I... I think you mean ‘whoever’.

NAZI #2 (O.S.)

Insolent child! It is ze object of a preposition.

Sound of a SMACK!

NAZI #2 (O.S.)

Ach, meine Nase!

NAZI #1 (O.S.)

Dummkopf! Ze entire clause is ze object of ze preposition! Ze preposition acts as a subject, zus it is nominative!

NAZI #2 (O.S.)

Mein Gott....

NAZI #1 (O.S.)

You have humiliated ze Reich! Let us depart to zome ozzer suburban home, and try to live down ze shame!

NAZI #2 (O.S.)

Raus! Raus!

Sound of MARCHING FEET, quickly disappearing into the distance.

Beat.

Sam sighs with relief.

Then, two swishy voices from the closet:

POLICE #1 (O.S.)

Whew. Glad they’re skee-daddling!

POLICE #2 (O.S.)

I’ll say! Those epaulets alone were a clear fashion violation!

POLICE #1 (O.S.)

Pull over, Helmut, you’re going to fashion jail!

POLICE #2 (O.S.)

(imitating siren)

Ba-weoo! Ba-weoo!

SAM

MOM!

FADE OUT.