I’d been holding off on reporting the results of this week’s battle in hopes that Michael would make it out of the M*A*S*H unit, where he was playing grab ass with Hot Lips Houlihan, in time to post. He’s been under the weather this week, and in Chicago, there’s been a LOT of weather this week under which to be.

But then I remembered that even if he did make it out, he was meeting up with the brothers from the Water Buffalo Lodge for a Bowl-A-Thon. So hold back, I shall no more!

• Coyote rises to periscope depth and fires a torpedo…
• David and Leonardo DiCaprio drop depth charges from their battleship…
• Red surprises the combatants with a fuel-air bomb dropped from a B-52.

That’s right: someone new tossed her hat in the ring! Finally, PHX can represent with two mirth agents against the combined might of the Chicago comedy mafia! (I’ll nag her to get her own damn blog next time.)

What’s that you ask? What have we got this week? Bad gifts, guy talk, and people who dress funny!