INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – NIGHT

CLOSE on MARY and JASPER behind contestant podia. Each has a piece of poster board facing out in front of them. In black marker, Mary’s reads “VENISON”. Jasper’s reads “WILD BOAR”.

CUT TO:

TED NUGENT across from the contestants. He holds a plate in one hand, with a bloody piece of meat skewered on a fork in the other.

TED

I’m sorry. The correct answer is racoon. Racoon. I caught this little bastard rooting through the garbage behind the studio.

Ted pops the meat in his mouth and chews with delight. The camera widens to show Mary and Jasper turn green.

Ted crosses to center stage as Mary turns and wretches behind the podium.

TED (CONT’D)

Tune in tomorrow when two more challengers try to figure out what I killed.

(beat)

And please remember to spay and neuter your pets folks.

(conspiratorially)

Else I might have to shoot ’em.

Theme music – “Cat Scratch Fever” – starts up and Ted waves to the camera. Mary continues to wretch. Jasper stumbles out like a zombie.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Many animals were harmed during the filming of “Ted Nugent’s Game Show”. If any ASPCA or PETA  nancyboys have a problem with that, they can take it up with the business end of Ted’s compound bow. “Ted Nugent’s Game Show” was filmed before a live studio audience.

BLACKOUT: