I want you to picture the worst possible special effects on this one. I mean, the kind of thing that would have embarrassed the I Dream of Jeannie crew. The kind of stuff that Irwin Allen would have been ashamed to show his mother. Visible guidewires, cheap green screens, the works.
And now…
INT. BAR – NIGHT
JAMIE, nerdy in the “Hollywood leading man wearing glasses” mold, hovers at the elbow of AMY, the poster child for hot blonds who star on posters. She is turned away from him, chatting with D-BAG #1 and D-BAG #2. Jamie tries to get her attention.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
Spurned by the woman he secretly loved, Doctor Jamie McElroy vowed to change his past.
INT. LAB – DAY
Typical movie lab. Beakers, burners, a sparking Jacob’s Ladder, fill a bench. No rhyme or reason to their arrangement. Jamie hunches over, working on something small.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
With scientific know-how...
INT. MUSEUM, EGYPTIAN EXHIBIT – NIGHT
Jamie reads hieroglyphics, taking notes. One of the glyphs looks like the Apollo lander.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
...and the wisdom of the ancients...
INT. LAB – DAY
Jamie’s got a bulky device strapped to his wrist. It looks just like a ’70s calculator watch. He punches in some numbers and vanishes!
NARRATOR (V.O.)
...he unlocked the secret of time.
EXT. ZEPPELIN LANDING FIELD – EVENING
Jamie runs away from the Hindenburg disaster. Note that this and all similar EFX should be obvious green screens.
INT. INDEPENDENCE HALL – DAY
Jamie stands nearby as the Declaration is signed.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Jamie composited into the background as Britney gets out of a car exposing her crotch.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Back where we started. Jamie’s at Amy’s elbow.
NARRATOR (V.O.)
And used that time to master the art of seduction.
JAMIE
Excuse me, Amy?
Amy turns and bumps into Jamie. His wrist lightly hits the bar and his time traveling watch explodes in a shower of sparks.
JAMIE (CONT’D)
Oh no!
NARRATOR (V.O.)
But now, he’s trapped in the past. Back in...
Title – THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY!!!
AMY
Oh, I’m sorry. Is it badly broken?
JAMIE
It’s...destroyed.
The BARTENDER comes over.
BARTENDER
Hey, guys. Are you going to want any food?
AMY
Uh, sure. What are your specials?
JAMIE
(despondent)
French dip and cream of broccoli soup.
BARTENDER
Yeah. How did you know that?
CUT TO:
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Later, Jamie and Amy are joined by LEVAR MUKASEY.
LEVAR
You say the mechanism is irreparable?
JAMIE
I’ll never get home now. I’ll be trapped in this...nightmare world, forever a man out of time.
Jamie squints and holds a hand above his head to block the light.
JAMIE (CONT’D)
The light is so harsh and cold in this time.
LEVAR
There must be something we can do.
AMY
Can’t you just build another one?
The scientists ignore her.
LEVAR
Perhaps we could duplicate your research?
JAMIE
In this primitive era?
LEVAR
Good point.
AMY
Can’t you just go to your lab and get the one you’re working on right now?
The scientists continue to ignore her. Men talking here, honey! Big, important men!
JAMIE
No, I have to face facts. I’m never going to see my home again.
INT. JAMIE’S HOME- NIGHT
Amy sits on the couch while Jamie paces behind her.
JAMIE
Maybe I could build a cryogenic pod and freeze myself until science catches up with me.
AMY
Jamie, honey, why don’t you sit down. You’re just wearing a hole in the carpet.
JAMIE
Yeah, I mean...I did come back to try to win you over, right?
AMY
Exactly.
(seductively)
And you have.
Amy pats the couch. Jamie sits down and puts his arm around Amy.
AMY
There. Isn’t that better?
She leans in and gives him a kiss.
JAMIE
Yeah. It is. Thanks. You want to watch TV?
Jamie hands the remote to Amy.
AMY
Sure. Oooh. It’s a new “Gray’s Anatomy”!
JAMIE
No! I saw that one...The Day Before Yesterday!
BLACKOUT: