Sketch War

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  • America’s Top Cult

    Everything is assimilated into the glass teat eventually. Imagine if David Koresh had had a good agent; he’d be hosting Deal or No Deal in the daytime. So…

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  • Cultocracy

    Here’s my take on the “Crazy Cults” edition of Sketchwar:

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  • Mad Scientists

    This. Is. Not. Funny. It’s got one good joke and maybe three half-way decent jokes in it. I quite like the one good joke but that’s not enough. Sorry. Next week…next week will be a much better sketch. This I swear.

    [fountain]
    EXT. WWII EUROPEAN THEATER – STOCK FOOTAGE
    The Normandy landing, tanks on the march, and the firebombing of Dresden.

    NARRATOR (V.O.)
    On May second 1945, a team of German scientists led by Hans Kohl surrendered to American forces hours ahead of the advancing Russian army. Fearing the treatment he and his fellow weapons designers would receive under Stalin, Kohl safely evacuated his team to the open arms of the United States.
    (beat)
    All but one of them.
    (beat)
    Franz Kohl, the brilliant but mercurial twin of the more famous Hans, was out getting cigarettes when the Soviet Army overran Nordhausen. For the next forty years, the brothers Kohl waged a private and escalating conflict against the backdrop of the cold war. For you see, it was Hans who had sent his brother out to the store.

    Title: Very Mad Scientists
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  • Very Important Regulations

    Here’s my take on the “Cold War” edition of Sketchwar.

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  • Vampers

    Here’s my take on the “Vampires” edition of Sketchwar.

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  • Drac Talk

    It is I! Coyote! I bring you this delectable morsel…enjoy it my children of the night!

    Moohaha!!!

    [fountain]
    INT. RADIO STUDIO – NIGHT
    DRACULA wears headphones and sits at a mic. The studio is dark, the only light a greenish-blue glow from the board and a narrow spot on his mesmerizing eyes. His accent is pure Bela Lugosi.

    DRAC
    Good evening. Welcome to another edition of “Drac Talk”. The board is already lit up so let’s get right to the phones. Our first caller is Drazen.
    (beat)
    Drazen, what’s your question?

    DRAZEN speaks with an accent similar but more subtle than Drac’s.

    DRAZEN (O.S.)
    Hello, your highness.

    DRAC
    Drac will be fine, caller.

    DRAZEN (O.S.)
    Yes, Drac. You see, I live in a rent controlled apartment in the meat packing district. What used to be the meat packing district, at least. It used to be a good, quiet neighborhood. Lots of people from the old country, with the smells and sounds I was used to. Many of the people were less fortunate
    (beat)
    with no families to watch over them.

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  • Peter’s Commentary on the “State of Health Care” Edition

    Here’s my commentary for the 5/20/09 round of Sketchwar, which had the theme “The State of Health Care.”

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  • Peter’s Commentary on the “Interviews That Never Aired” Edition

    Here’s my commentary for the 5/13/09 round of Sketchwar, which had the theme “Interviews That Never Aired.”

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  • Peter’s Commentary on the “Mother’s Day” Edition

    Here’s my commentary for the 5/6/09 round of Sketchwar, which had the theme “Mother’s Day.”

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  • Robbery Interruptus

    Busy week. Here’s my version of “Bad Manners.”

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