Sketch War

Category: Sketches

Sketch Entries from the warriors

  • The Silver Stoat

    Oy. Out of the last three weeks, I’ve had big problems with two of our topics. I certainly hope things get better soon. This one…well, I think I’ve got the feel almost right, but other than a few chuckles spread throughout, I don’t think I really brought the funny.

    Y’all be the judges.

    [fountain]
    INT. RADIO STUDIO – NIGHT
    Fat ties and fedoras. Polka dots and pert curls. A haze of yellow smoke hovers near the ceiling of a large, soundproofed studio. PERFORMERS stand one or two to a mic, huge booms hanging from the ceiling emblazoned with the DUMONT logo, scripts in hand or on music stands. In the back of the room sits ORGANIST. Next to her, TWO FOLEY ARTISTS with their collection of sound effects.

    RODERICK BEAN (50s, balding, stooped in a too-large suit) shares a mic with BEA MORTIMER (20s and stunning in gold hair and yellow dress). He speaks with a rich baritone to match her sultry alto.

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  • FUTURE MAN – Episode 1 – Google

    I wanted to try something a little different. Moving to old-time radio serial script format wasn’t easy…it’s an entirely different mindset. Doing it and trying to be funny? Well, you tell me…
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  • Mrs. Purcell

    Hi all — here’s my take on the “Taxes” edition of Sketchwar.

    (more…)

  • Magical Audits IV

    [fountain]
    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY
    LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN, in full green regalia, sits in the hotseat opposite Clark, who flips through a folder.

    CLARK
    It appears all your income for the past several years has been from speaking engagements?

    Lucky speaks at Brogue Factor 9.

    LUCKY
    Aye. It’s lucrative but keeps me on the road a fair bit o’ time.

    CLARK
    Right, right. All your associated travel deductions appear to be in order. How did you get into that line of work, if you don’t mind me asking?
    (more…)

  • Magical Audits III

    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY

    Clark sits opposite a sultry, voluptuous cougar decked out in a skimpy red top with faux fur trim.

    COUGAR

    (sings)

    My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like it’s better than yours. Damn right it’s better than yours, I can teach you but I have to charge--

    CLARK

    (flustered)

    --That’s fine, but I’d like to discuss this deduction you took in 2004 for business travel.

    COUGAR

    My husband needed to visit his suppliers.

    CLARK

    Yes, but then how do you justify these other deductions for maintaining your fleet of

    (rifling through papers)

    reindeer?

    The Cougar, now obviously Mrs. Clause, unbuttons the top of her tight blouse and leans forward.

    MRS. CLAUSE

    Would you like some of my special Christmas cookies?

    BLACKOUT:

  • Magical Audits II

    Ken, and my weak ending on Part 1, inspired me to turn this into a runner. We’ll see how this goes.

    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY

    Clark sits, fingers bridged and at full attention. We can’t see whom he’s listening to.

    CITIZEN (O.S.)

    ...and that’s why I was late filing in Oh-three. Now in Oh-four--

    CLARK

    --Alright, let me cut you off right there. You’ve got a lot of excuses, but tell me this

    (Beat)

    why didn’t you just file for extensions?

    Camera pans to reveal EASTER BUNNY. He holds up his paws.

    EASTER BUNNY

    Do you see opposable thumbs on these things?!?

    BLACKOUT:

  • ‘Cause I’m the Taxman

    Nothing like Bon Jovi, a mechanical bull, and molotov cocktails to liven up a party…

    [fountain]
    INT. WASHINGTON D.C. BAR – EVENING

    Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” blares over the jukebox as dozens of inebriated POLITICIANS, CONGRESSIONAL LACKEYS, IRS AGENTS, and LAWYERS mob the bar. Some stand, some sit at tables, and some play darts. Now and then, several individuals pump their fists and shout the lyrics to the song.
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  • Magical Audits

    I think I started pretty strong, built nicely to a really cool visual, and then petered out. Oh well. Enjoy the laughs it provides and dream of a better ending.

    [fountain]
    INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY
    CLARK FRENELL (40s, gray suit, his picture is next to “ectomorph” in the dictionary) stands a respectful distance behind DEATH, hand on the doorknob to leave.

    CLARK
    …then I’ll expect you back here, with those receipts, Tuesday morning.

    DEATH
    I told you, I’m not sure I know where they all are.

    CLARK
    That might be a problem, Mister Death. The United States government doesn’t look kindly on tax cheats.

    Death spins his head around 180 degrees to face Clark.
    (more…)

  • Radio Reception

    Hi all — here’s my take on the “Silent Scenes” edition of Sketchwar. I took a bit of a liberty with the topic, and assumed that this meant “dialog-free scenes”….

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  • Caffeine is a Helluva Drug

    Holy cow! Where did the time go? I’ve been keeping my head down working on another writing project, but, seeing as I tossed this suggestion out to Richard a while back, I figured I’d better take part.

    Sooo…

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