Here’s my take on the “This Is Not My Beautiful House” edition of Sketchwar.
FADE IN:
EXT. GEORGE’S HOUSE – DAY
GEORGE parks his car in front of his house on a sunny summer day.
He gets out and walks up to the front door, absently reading something on his phone.
He unlocks the front door.
He tries to open it.
Nothing happens.
He puts away his phone and pulls harder on the door.
Nothing happens.
He pulls really, really hard on the door.
Nothing happens.
He tries pushing on the door.
The door opens easily.
George, looking perplexed, walks through the door into --
INT. GEORGE’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
The front door opens into a nice-looking living room.
On the left side of the front door, a decorative bowl sits on an end table.
One of the walls has a large window with a set of curtains (closed).
George eyes the room uneasily.
He absently takes out his wallet and keys and tosses them to the right of the door.
They land on the floor. Thunk.
George notices this. Looks around. Is surprised to see the endtable and bowl on the left side of the door.
He picks up the wallet and keys and places them in the bowl, still uneasy.
He crosses to the window and throws open the curtains, revealing --
A vista of high, snowy mountains that could in no way match what was just outside.
GEORGE
What the hell is going on?!
A deep, booming voice speaks out from nowhere in particular.
ALIENS (V.O.)
George Anderson!
GEORGE
That’s me.
ALIENS (V.O.)
We are a vast and mighty alien intelligence, and have chosen you, George Anderson, for our study of human behavior.
GEORGE
Um... okay.
ALIENS (V.O.)
You will spend three days in this perfect simulacrum of your conventional American home.
GEORGE
Oh.
ALIENS (V.O.)
If there is anything amiss in our recreation of your residence, let us know.
GEORGE
The front door should be a pull.
ALIENS (V.O.)
Okay.
GEORGE
The end table is supposed to be on the other side.
ALIENS (V.O.)
Got it.
GEORGE
The, uh, bedroom is supposed to be full of naked supermodels --
ALIENS (V.O.)
That third one is a lie!
GEORGE
Oh, no -- that was a joke.
ALIENS (V.O.)
For your insolence, George Anderson, your home shall be filled with ferrets!
GEORGE
Nooooo!
OVER BLACK
TEXT: “Remember, kids: don’t lie to the aliens, or they will fill your house with ferrets.”
Various ferret, scuttering noises.
GEORGE
Good god, they’re everywhere!
ALIENS (V.O.)
You got yourself into this.
GEORGE
Gah! There’s one in my pants leg!
ALIENS (V.O.)
Well, that’s what you get.
GEORGE
I am in hell!
FADE TO BLACK.