Here’s my take on the “Puppets” edition of Sketchwar.
EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
CLARK, a clean-cut police officer, hunkers behind a car near a big warehouse, talking to somebody out of frame.
Alright, we do this by the book. Secure the exits, nice and quiet. Keep the cartel from going anywhere. Wait until the SWAT team comes. Got it, Mad Dog?
Cut to reveal --
A police-officer puppet made of felt, with a little moustache, who wouldn’t be out of place on Sesame Street.
(Note: all the profanities are clumsily bleeped out.)
Oh, fuck this shit!
Mad Dog draws his gun, runs to the front door of the warehouse, kicks it open, and fires a few shots.
Clark follows Mad Dog in.
INT. WAREHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Mad Dog guns down HENCHMAN #1 with a head shot.
HENCHMAN #2 (O.S.)
The shots came from over here!
Mad Dog tosses his gun, and pulls out a wicked-looking knife.
Heh heh heh.
Come out and play-ay.
He sneaks along quietly.
HENCHMAN #2 enters.
Oh, you little --
Henchman #2 aims his gun, but too late -- Mad Dog stabs him through the heart.
Yeah. That’s right, bitch.
He creeps past the body, and pushes his way into --
INT. WAREHOUSE STORAGE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A dark, spacious storage room.
Mad Dog takes a few steps in, peering into the dark, then --
The lights switch on and we see THE BIG BOSS and his MINION in a big empty room with two exits.
The minion has a gun aimed at Mad Dog.
THE BIG BOSS
So you’re the one causing all this trouble for the cartel?
Yeah? Fuck you.
THE BIG BOSS
My whole shipment has been delayed by one stupid little... felt-head?
Mad Dog begins to shake with rage.
What -- did -- you -- call -- me?
He lets out a piercing SHRIEK!
Before anyone can react, he throws the knife at the minion.
It spears the minion through the eye; the minion drops down dead.
Mad Dog bounds over, snaps up the minion’s gun, and with another blood-curdling scream, pistol-whips the big boss to the ground.
CLOSE ON Mad Dog, straddling the big boss and hitting him over and over again with the gun.
Little spurts of blood spatter across Mad Dog.
What the --
Clark pulls Mad Dog off of the big boss.
What are you doing, Mad Dog?
Clark looks around at the bodies.
You did all of this?
Mad Dog bursts into tears.
Mad Dog puts the gun to his own temple.
Oh my god.
I’ll do it, man! I’LL FUCKING DO IT! I’LL FUCKING PULL THE GODDAMN --
Suddenly, THE SOUND OF APPROACHING FEET.
Lots and lots of them.
I think they’re in here!
Mad Dog aims the gun at Clark.
Whoa. Mad Dog.
But the --
GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
Clark carefully backs out through the far door.
A few moments pass.
Then, the near door BUSTS OPEN with HENCHMEN.
Mad Dog gets a few shots in before HENCHMAN #3 shoots Mad Dog -- it’s not fatal, but Mad Dog drops the gun and falls to the ground.
The henchmen approach.
We gonna kill you reeeeal slooow.
Mad Dog opens his coat to reveal --
The timer has mere seconds left.
Game over, motherfu --
EXT. WAREHOUSE – CONTINUOUS
The warehouse EXPLODES! as Clark walks away from the building.
The explosion knocks him to the ground.
Bits of rubble and debris fall around him.
Oh, god. Mad Dog. What have you --
He picks something out of the rubble --
One of Mad Dog’s little felt hands.
A puppet smashes a criminal’s head against the hood of a car.
We’ll return after these messages to: Puppet Po-Po!