EXT. BASE OF MOUNT HOOPER – MORNING

It’s slightly overcast.  A cliff-face rises into the clouds and disappears.  HERB GREENHOUSE, thirties, well-dressed, with his collar pulled up against the breeze holds a broadcast microphone in one gloved hand.  He smiles into a camera.  Behind the cameraman, a very small crowd of onlookers have gathered.

HERB

Hello America!  This is Herb Greenhouse checking in from the base of scenic Mount Hooper in North Dakota, where we’ll be bringing you a one-of-a-kind sporting experience.

Behind HERB we see a tall, brown, furry figure pass.  The figure has very tall ears and walks upright, but does not appear to be a man.

HERB (CONT’D)

We have athletes in from all over the place, and we’ll be bringing you interviews, live coverage, and much more.  My color man and probably the most Deschpiccabel man in sports, is none other than DAFFY DUCK!

DAFFY saunters in from the side, a second microphone in hand.

DAFFY

Thanks Herb.  And it’s going to be quite a change being here in the booth.  Normally, I’d be in the thick of things – you know me – danger is my business.

HERB

So I’ve heard.  What do you think of this year’s crop of contestants?

DAFFY

Well, I’ll tell ya Herb.  I’m more of a classicist

(spits this out at Herb, who frowns and wipes it off.)

I think you’ll find those with the most experience will stand out.

HERB

You may be right, and we’re certainly poised to find out.  Our first contestant is setting his equipment now.

The camera pans to the left, and we see Wile E. Coyote pushing an oak barrel onto a big white painted X.  He checks that it’s centered, and raises his hand.  A large hose lowers, directly behind his head, and spouts water, driving him forward.  He comes up, glaring, and grabs the hose, then fills the tub.

DAFFY

Oooooh.  That was Deshpicable!

HERB

Indeed, and Wile E. Doesn’t look too happy about it.  He’s climbing to the top now, so we’ll shift you to our on-the-spot commentator, Steve Waverly.

CUT TO:

EXT. TOP OF MOUNT HOOPER – CONTINUOUS

Wile E. Coyote is placing a board out over the edge of the cliff.  He then puts a small pile of birdseed on the board near the tip and very carefully places a small sign in it that says – “ACME BIRDSEED”.  Then he backs away.  The camera pulls back and we see STEVE WAVERLY, red wavy hair, bright smile, microphone in hand, watching Wile E’s every move.

STEVE

Everything’s in place.  It looks like one clever trap.  And..

ROADRUNNER (O.S.)

BEEP BEEP!

STEVE

Here comes the Roadrunner.

We see the Roadrunner run out onto the precariously balanced board.  He eats the seed and There he goes! He’s off the board and away. Wile E. Is pissed off. He approaches the board.  He steps onto it.  He jumps up and down.  And...it tips straight up.  Wile E. Looks straight into the camera, waves with his fingertips, and falls off the cliff.  A puff of smoke floats in the air above him.

STEVE (CONT’D)

Back to you, Herb.

CUT TO:

EXT. BASE OF MOUNT HOOPER – CONTINUOUS

The sound of a bomb falling fills the air.

DAFFY

Here he comes!

HERB

Yes, but I have to say, the degree of difficulty isn’t very high.  I wonder how this will stack up...wait!

The ROADRUNNER whooshes in from the side.  He pushes the tub of water out of the way, puts a juice glass on the X, and glances at the camera.

ROADRUNNER

BEEP BEEP!

HERB

THAT will improve the score.  Oh man, what a tiny glass.  Still, I get the feeling we’ve seen all of this before.

DAFFY

I don’t think they’re done yet, HERB.  This is an experienced team.

CUT TO:

EXT. TOP OF MOUNT HOOPER – CONTINUOUS

The roadrunner is back.  He pushes an anvil off the cliff.

STEVE

We have a new development up here, Herb.  Don’t shift cameras but that bird is here again and he’s adding one final touch.  Needless to say, it has the ACME team logo on the side, and it’s coming in fast.

CUT TO:

EXT. BASE OF MOUNT HOOPER – CONTINUOUS

We see Wile E. hit the water glass.  He compresses into the tiny space until all you can see is a big eye glaring out from inside.  The crowd begins to applaud, then the eye glances up.  We see the plank coming straight down on the glass. We see Wile El hop the glass an inch to the right.  The board hits the ground end first and misses him.  In the glass, we see Wile E’s mouth widen to a pained grin.  Then his eye glances up again, too late.  The Anvil is incoming.  A tiny parachute pops out of the glass.  The anvil strikes the tip of the board, drives it into the ground, tips...wobbles, and at the last second the Roadrunner appears.

ROADRUNNER

BEEP BEEP!

The anvil tips, smashing the glass and flattening Wile E. who’s arms appear from the broken glass, fingertips walking as he slinks away.

DAFFY

That’s what I’m talkin’ about, Herb.  You just can’t beat the classics.

HERB

Truly outstanding teamwork.  Next up...YOSEMITE SAM & BUGS BUNNY!